I Felt The Earth Move In My Hands Like The Trembling Heart of a Captive Bird

Hi everyone

My apologies for being away for awhile. A lot is going on. A lot is changing. I think that’s just life, though. One of my dearest and best friends just got married. She met her husband three months ago, days after a sudden exit from a years-long relationship with someone else. There was a huge amount of financial involvement, infidelity. He was pretty much taking her for everything she had and fucking someone else. It was a pretty brutal discovery, that on minimum wage income she was supporting a military man who couldn’t keep himself out of debt and never tried, all rather thanklessly. We were all glad to see that crap over and done with.

And I had no objections when her new man moved into her life. Good for her for not letting her past ruin things for her and hold her back. She was genuinely happy again, and things seemed to be going well. She joked with me briefly about how she could really see marrying this guy. I was immediately concerned, because I’d been there in the last few years and didn’t want to see her jump the gun hoping to find anything to make her feel good again. After all, he’s a person, and if she fucked up and realized it was all a mistake later, they’d both get hurt. But she assured me that it was a thought she had entertained briefly and out of gratuity, but wasn’t something she saw happening soon.

A week before my wedding, she got engaged. After a month, or so (maybe a little less). I said nothing, hoping that it wasn’t something she pushed for, and hoping that the engagement would be long enough for it to get real and grounded and stable before they decided to jump into marriage. But around the time of my wedding, she announced her wedding date, which was to take place three weeks later.

A relationship moving that fast is not for me. Not that I can’t condone it, but I’m too wary. I’m too into making sure that things are right before making such massive decisions. I think about my engagement and how the shortest time we’d considered was 5 months, which would have made our courtship prior to marriage roughly 10 months. It’s short- less than a year- but not unreasonable. But even then, I stretched my engagement out for an additional 12 months, though I remember begging to elope numerous times, and being really disappointed about that extension. I don’t want to begrudge her the ability to know what’s right for herself. But I think I would be a shitty friend not to be concerned for her.

After all, in three months, she left one relationship, moved, started another, got engaged, got married and moved across the country, away from all family and friends. It’s a major life change, and all in what feels like a blink.

I am happy for her. She glowed. I’ve never seen her so happy. The chemistry felt right- it was just there. He is a nice, stable guy. I really hope that my instincts on this aren’t wrong- usually I’m pretty accurate about this stuff. He was all about making their day as perfect as possible, despite the crunch. It was small, their closest friends only. I felt blessed to be one of 18, and my husband the other. I felt truly blessed.

I had that amazing feeling again- the same as at my wedding- that I’m watching someone’s life change in this huge way- how important it is, that this is what they will remember for the rest of their lives, and that I got to witness it. It felt like a full-circle moment where it was a culmination of all the moments of our friendship, coming to this crescendo, this climactic event. I found myself thinking: “7 years ago, did you see us here together on this day?” I just felt incredibly lucky to be alive, and to pay tribute to my dear friend’s marriage. My God, when my best friend gets married, I’m going to be a wreck of emotion.

So despite my worries for her, I am filled, brimming with love and hope for her marriage, for the babies, for every moment and every day and night of their happinesses together. This is for the braided blond girl I worked with every day from 4-10, serving burgers all summer. This is for the girl I lived with, whose bedroom door I painted, who had cardboard cutouts of the Pirates of the Caribbean cast. This is for the girl with whom I created a coffeepocalypse or two, living in my first home away from my parents.




~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 07/24/2010.

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