What The Deuce?!

Hey all
Haven’t updated in a few months. I’m not sure who still reads this thing, but whatever. I have my personally networked blog, and then my anonymous public blog. All in all I have 5 blogs (I think) and 7 email addresses. And I actually do use them all. Isn’t that sick? My life is practically lived online, when I let it. But then, I’ve become much more a writer these days- and there may be actual merit to that.

After moving back to NanCity in January, John and I started a program here, called SET. It’s a company funded through the government to retrain people for careers. They don’t just read your resume and find something you’re already doing (or practically doing) to thrust you into for life. They take you in, talk to you for a few hours over a few sessions, and talk to you about your work experience, and about your hobbies and passions- about where you’d like to be (not where you are, or where you imagine yourself- but what you want your future to be, professionally). They then sign you up for a full course load, over a period of a month or two, and they test all sorts of personality traits and abilities.

I started with a program called Strong Interest Inventory, followed by the Myers-Briggs Test. Today, I finished the trifecta up with the True Colours course. The three combined give you a full personality breakdown of who you are personally and professionally. They describe your values, and your common weaknesses, as well as where you tend to succeed. Their program has a list of professions (and I mean thousands of them) that you can then cross-reference. You write the ones down that you’re suitable to, according to your personality tests, and then the program looks at finding you funding to go to school to train for the profession of your choice. It’s pretty cool.

After the Strong course, my results gave me a top ranking in all careers of interest. Apparently I scored higher than most college graduates do. My consultant told me I could go to medical school and become a surgeon if I wanted to. Very awesome to hear that.

In the meantime, I’ve been put back on medical disability until the end of June (which is perfect timing, because my honeymoon falls just before the end of the month). I’m relaxing and writing- just enjoying my personal time and projects. I joined a crew of friends from Vancouver in getting their new endeavor: "The Trenchcoat Anti-Critic" onto its feet. I’m currently their only female writer. I have carte blanche to contribute whatever I please, but I’m the resident chick-flick/teen movie and rom-com writer. I don’t mind being stereotyped that way- especially as it’s true.

I just wrote this amazing review and analysis of I, Robot. I’m hoping to have that up soon. Eventually, I’ll be back on cam, mask and all, doing podcast vids on YouTube for TAC. Bren and Nate would likely appreciate the downtime. Hehe.

We finally booked our honeymoon at Timberlane Resort- beautiful place. The beach goes on forever! We have a view of the San Juan Islands from there. It isn’t Disney World, as we had hoped, but it’s gorgeous and a lot cheaper. Admittedly, as the expenses add up, I find myself wishing I’d put my foot down about just eloping (which is what I wanted- John is the princess bride in this scenario, hahaha!). But I only plan to do this once, and it will be great fun. We’re having an Alice In Wonderland themed wedding. We actually just scored our wedding officiant this morning- so next time I get paid, I get to go down to CCCU and get my marriage license.

As for health things, the Diabetes Association is trying to advocate for me to get my hands on an insulin pump. John and I are planning a pregnancy for 2011, so we need to be diligent about my health, especially since my kidneys haven’t been doing so well lately. My edema has fully come back- I get it from my head to my toes most mornings. It sucks being swollen all over every day. :/ But this likely means that aside from school, I probably won’t be back to work full time until 2012. Thankfully, John will be back from basic training before the end of my first trimester, depending on exactly when we get pregnant. He’s joining the Armed Forces in 2011 also, and will spend two months combat training in Alberta. I’ll probably be with my Mom for the greater part of the first and third trimesters. I am hoping that affairs with the house will be settled and we can move out to the Valley before the second trimester.

Furthermore, SET is looking at having me trained for careers I can do from home. It could potentially be amazing!

Despite all that, my nightmares are back. I don’t know why the memories are still with me, or why I even bother to dignify them. But it seems like no matter how much time passes, I never forget it. It stays with me. I hold a genuine lack of trust for most people. I’ve still got that ever-edited text file going. Dear ZZtop wannabe, Have you ever heard of a shower? Just for starters. There are good things to say. And bad things to say. Mostly, it’s just that I need to say them. People are trying to tell me to delete it- maybe they’re right. What can it do but rip a new hole in my life? I know I’m holding on- to what happened, not on wanting to fix anything. Something tells me it’s going to just be a bitch of a scar forever.

With the advent of my marriage arriving in just 67 days, a lot of old is bubbling to the surface. A lot of fear, and apprehension. I’m not afraid of getting married- just afraid of reliving the past. Maybe I’ll write it here. Maybe then I can say what I need to- and I never have to think about it coming back. When it ended, he stole my power from me. He left me sick, weak, homeless, within a few inches of death, and emotionally devastated. All I want is my power back. And it wouldn’t hurt to know he’s sorry. He killed a part of me I’ll never have again.

Kass

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 04/21/2010.

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