Fighting Ends In Forgiveness, Unite And Fight All Division
Today: "Are some days more meaningful than others? It may seem so; but all days, without exception, have the potential to fascinate and fulfil us. It’s just that sometimes, we let our problems weigh us down, our fears tie us up, or our expectations lead us on. Instead of appreciating whatever is happening, we pine or plan for some theoretical future when all will be ‘better’. Yet, despite whatever you now resent, today contains all the magic you could ever need. See that and you will see how to make everything different this week!"
Tomorrow: "Time is not only a great healer; it is a great magician. The passage of time can bring about the most amazing transformations. Sometimes, though, you have a rather difficult relationship with time, not least because of your tendency to lead your life at a hectic pace. Others cannot always multi-task – or think about as much at once, as well as you can. You are now hoping that a dream can come true soon. It can, and it probably will come true – but you should still be thinking in terms of months not weeks."
I’m reaching breaking point. Sometimes I feel like I’m being totally unreasonable in what or how I feel, and then I end up asking myself why I think so. What is so unreasonable about the things I feel, or what I want? Who decides when it’s unfair? This whole thing with Deanne is becoming unbearable. She asks someone to jump, and instead of telling her to fuck off, she gets asked "How high?" I suppose that part of me feels like my position as the alpha female in all of this is seriously being infringed upon, and I suppose in some ways that’s true. But it’s more than that. It’s a certainty of knowing that this game, the longer John allows her to play it, will go on and on and on. I don’t want to be pregnant, running in and out of court every few months, having to defend my right to have a baby. I don’t want to be in my thirties, raising our child, defending my right to support my own child. I don’t want to be in my late forties, defending my right to send my kid to college. And I certainly do not want to rehash my medical situation during every court date having to explain that if Deanne gets her way, I would have to sacrifice the longevity of my life to support her.
We’re meeting with our lawyer again tomorrow to seek a cease and desist order, and to look into the pursuit of a harassment case against her. I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life warring with her. This has to stop. It has to.