I Breathe You In Again Just To Feel You Underneath My Skin
Thursday: "We forgive our friends a thousand faults; yet if we see so much as a single flaw in a stranger, we become inclined to keep our distance. We like what we know, we know what we like and we know (or think we know) what we are never going to like. You are being dismissive now of a proposition that seems unacceptable; yet can you not level similar criticisms at many of the factors you encounter on a daily basis, as part of your current lifestyle? Nothing is perfect, but there is hidden merit now in an offer that you are tempted to reject. Jupiter; the biggest (and luckiest) planet dominates the evening sky till December when it repeats a rare triple conjunction with Neptune and Chiron. Soon, this powerful alignment will release energy with the potential to help improve your well-being, your love life, even your financial outlook."
Friday: "Manufacturers generally know the weaknesses and drawbacks of their products. They take great care not to draw attention to these in their advertising. Can you imagine a package or promotion that lists the reasons why you might not want to purchase a particular item? There is nothing new about this, the US Supreme Court coined the phrase, ‘caveat emptor’ or ‘buyer beware’, nearly 200 years ago. It is tempting to believe what you would like to believe about an offer or proposition this week. That may not be so wise."
Saturday: "They say: the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. From time to time, we all think dark thoughts. We can’t help it. We can, though, decide whether to transform them into dark deeds. What passes through your head is private. What comes out of your mouth matters more. But what matters more than all that is what you do. Somewhere in your world, there is a bright light. Don’t look away from it in October. Be guided by it. Ignore the negativity, confusion or trouble that’s being stirred up. Just let love into your heart and wisdom into your mind. Whatever else you need will then come naturally into your life."
Okay, so an update is in order. My job is going well. The work is a lot more than I’ve done in a long time, but I find it strangely satisfying and rewarding to be doing a job in which I am never tempted or able to crack a book or write poetry on scraps of receipt paper. I never find myself lacking for either physical or mental stimulation and I never have people complaining at me that their job is so hard and unrewarding and that they are never paid what they are worth, I never have people whining at me that they are so much more financially hard done by than any other person could possibly be, What people are financially responsible for and what they make doesn’t really ever come up, and it shouldn’t. I truly appreciate my coworkers. I get along with them all. They are all friendly, they are all resposible. For the most part, they get their work done all time, and they are completely accepting- without question- of following orders that I give them. There is a strong cooperaton morale.
Lately I’ve been mastering the paperwork. I’m mostly done with the data entry part, and now we’re onto the actual cash counting and reconciling financial variations part. That can be quite tricky, but I’ll get it with time.
In other news, John and I are finally on a much better legal level in our battle against De. She decided to write a threatening and defamatory letter about John to Chris, who is not and should not be at all involved in child maintenance affairs that are not his responsibility. Since Deanne dated, hand wrote, signed and snail-mailed the letter, we have her for harrassment and libel (yay!). We’ve been waiting for this break, and at this point, I am really glad that we said nothing until she got so angry that she made a huge mistake. I so can’t wait to see a lawyer.
John finished his last day of work last week. He tries not to show it but I know he’s sad. He wasn’t ready for it to be over. He wasn’t tired or bored of what he was doing. He liked feeling like his job was important and served a purpose. He liked his work environment and his coworkers. Even if it wasn’t his passion- I think he would have been happy having that as his career. I really do, Potentially it could have been an answer to a lot of inconsistencies in our lives. I think he will really miss the stability and stucture. Most days he tries to have a positive outlook on things. But we have to be financially tight until he finds something else. We’re both feeling a bit of despair. We’re not trapped under a rock. We’re not even trapped under a pile of them. We’re trapped under a mountain. Our problems seem endless and unrelenting. Where one is resolved another soon follows, or the same problem resurfaces with new conditions and requiring an entirely new solution. Sometimes I wonder how I have the room or the freedom to breathe. My plate is always so full and I’m expected to have the tact, civility, morality and fortitude enough not to exhibit even a moment of weakness.
I wish I had an easy button. I wish I had the ultimate answer- the ultimate solution. I wish I could be his savior. I wish I could be the destruction of all that plagues him. How do I become that?