The Open Door

Friday: "The Full Moon suggests that you are entering a position of great power and responsibility. You may not see yourself as an authority figure, but you have great influence. And, through your actions and decisions, you can do much to alter the outcome of a sensitive process. Allow yourself to assume the mantle of a leader. Act as if you know what you are doing and as if you expect others to follow your example, if not your command. Your right to call the shots may be challenged – but, if you stand firm, you will keep control."

 So, someone from my recent past has called me out. First of all, I’m wondering how in the hell she managed to happen upon the information she seems to think she has. As I’ve said many, many times now, the only person who can read my blog, who is even remotely connected to her, is someone that I will leave holding his torn-out heart in a hat if I find that he has had contact. So, her comments require a bit of a fact-checking rebuttal, because she isn’t as smart as she presumes to be.

You have disowned me as a person, friend, acquaintance. So why do you keep the things that caused the dissolving of our present or future standings? And then, what on Earth, Heaven or Hell gives you the right or permission to then distribute or attempt to distribute those things?
Well, I keep everything when it comes to shit like this. Why? Because I have yet to have a single person prove to me that promises were not made for breaking. A year, 5 years, 10 years down the road, I may require ammo. Why have a gun if you’re not prepared to load it? You walked into my life and unleashed baggage that you couldn’t let go of and you’re calling ME out? Hypocrite, much?

Fortunately for me, I still have friends, and friends that do not judge me based on my mistakes, past, present and future, nor be influenced against me based on the pettiness and unsavory tactics that You seem to employ. You are no better than the labels you have placed on me. If all you have is hate and can’t let go, then all you will gain is the loss of those around you and then you yourself will become dinner to darkness. That is YOUR path, and you haven’t any rights to take anyone else with you.
You think you have friends where in fact, you have people too nice to tell you otherwise. A lot of our "mutual" friends aren’t your friends at all. You screw people over and burn your bridges everywhere you go, and you think there aren’t consequences. And ‘mistakes?’ A mistake is a one-time thing. It isn’t a daily decision to fuck someone over for months on end in an attempt to get what you want. Every single time I caught you, you lied to me. You knew what you were doing was wrong, and every time I caught you, you lied your way into some kind of justification. I’ve spoken to everyone I know that has ever met you, and not a one of them has a single redeeming thing to say about you. Not one. You have no friends here. As for the labels, I’ve never tried to seduce another woman’s fiancee, and I’ve never been unfaithful. I’ve never failed to do the right thing, even at cost to myself. So your bullshit about being no better than you is just something you can tell yourself to fake the feeling of being a quality person. I will always, ALWAYS be better than you. You’re pointing fingers at me about not being able to let go, and yet you prejudged me from the moment you had the opportunity because you’ve clung so dearly to all of your baggage, grudges and blame. You epitomize darkness, and you become it.

 
I have stood here, said nothing, done nothing, asked nothing and pursued nothing, and yet you are still beating the issue. I could be malicious too, I’ve chosen otherwise, why can’t you? You still have an issue? Talk to me for Christ’s sakes, don’t go dragging it to other’s who haven’t a reason to be caught up in your games. If I continue to hear of these little tit-for-tats, and our little issue becomes that of someone else, trust me in knowing I will no longer stay quiet.
I haven’t brought my feelings to your door. I haven’t contacted you or your family. I haven’t bothered you for a moment since we stopped talking. If I choose to write out my feelings to the only 10 people in the world who can read my blog, that’s my right. I’m allowed to discuss how I feel and what I think, and not a single person in the world has the authority to tell me that it’s wrong. I’m not dragging people into it. I’m not asking them to get involved, only to listen. I’m not asking them to send you hate mail or seek some third-party justice for your sins. All I have done is seek the guidance and shelter of those I love, and whom love me. It isn’t any of your business to say whether or not I am allowed to do so. Just because you have no one to turn to, or choose not to turn to them, doesn’t mean that is how everyone functions. You refuse to recover from your past. I do. I don’t bury my problems and walk away. I work through them. And maybe I’d have had nothing left to say if you weren’t constantly making snide remarks at my expense TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC. At least what I say is only available to a handful of people. Besides, even if you were to speak out, what are you going to say? There is nothing you can say to put any of this in your favor. Speak all you want. I’ll just buy a stamp. And for that matter, I’m not playing games. Gameplaying is lying and manipulating people to act in your favor, which is something you did the moment you walked back into John’s life. I’ve always been up front about how I feel and what I think. You’re the one who lied and persuaded. I’m not the gameplayer. You are, and it’s pathetic to pawn your title off on someone else.

Despite OUR issues and OUR problems, I am still a human being that deserves the basic rights as anyone else. I, nor my family, deserve to be put in categories best suited for the ol’ streets of England, especially by someone like you.
Excuse me, but I have never uttered a word against your family. Thank a friend from the past for that one. He’s the one who told me that your family is full of whack-jobs. I don’t know your family, I couldn’t possibly classify them, and I’m not the type to lump them in with you because you’re a fuck-up. That isn’t their fault. So quit your assumptions based on third-party information. You weren’t there, you haven’t the faintest fucking clue what you’re talking about. Have a nice life, Mandi, now close the door and leave it the fuck shut already.

I’m beginning to feel like this needs to seriously get some closure put on it, and if that requires throwing him at you and walking away, maybe that’s what it takes. Fuck you all.

K.M.

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 09/04/2009.

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