It’s Getting Hot In Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes
Monday: "Tension is good for you. It stimulates the adrenal glands. Anxiety can also have a health-giving benefit. It produces hormones that in turn trigger profound and important emotions. There is nothing wrong with deep passion – nor with intense sensitivity. There is, though, something wrong with the inability to switch off from this. You have recently picked up something that you cannot put down. You have become caught up in something that you need to be freed from. Don’t worry about it, and don’t regret it. Just move on."
Tuesday: "There is so much to do and so little time to do it in. Yet there is also this sneaking feeling that, no matter what you do, it won’t be enough. You continue to set yourself impossibly high standards and then chastise yourself for failing to live up to these. Acknowledge some of your many successes. Even rest on your laurels a while if you wish to. Swell up with pride. Be boastful – even arrogant. But don’t, please don’t, be obsessive, anxious or agitated. There really is no need. Nor, frankly, is there time for it!"
SHE is on my radar. For the last week, she has been present, sneaking in and out of my line of vision whenever she thinks I’ve spotted her. She has made her wishes known. She will never get what she wants without there being a huge cost, to everyone involved. All her presence in our lives can do now, is destroy. She doesn’t see the damage she has caused, and does her best to cover up her mistakes with lies. What I know, what I have always known, what everyone needs to know, is that she is a selfish, pathetic person who will only ever do anything out of personal gain, and she will do her utmost best to destroy anyone and anything that gets in her way. I will never fail to send her packing, with her tail between her legs. If ever I lose to her, she will lose something too. My arsenal is loaded and waiting. The wall will never come down. My trust will never be restored. My opinion shall never be reversed. This condition, this hatred, will come with me to my grave.
Life here in the Harbor City has been as usual: work (though I am doing a lot more of that, lately, and quite happily) has been much better, now that Levar has been talked to, and for some reason, it seems, someone has made a point of not scheduling him with me, so that he has to behave himself. I’ve tried bringing Levar to Maria’s attention before, but she didn’t listen to me, and I knew then that anything I could say would only serve to hurt my position. It wasn’t up to me to lift the veil over her eyes. Maria has a weakness for cute, twenty-something boys. She tends to ignore the females equally, unless they’re fucking up. But anyway, things are going quite well. The promotion seems to have fallen back onto the backburner, as I imagine Jessica heard rumors and went whining to Maria about how she was going to clean up her act. With Jessica leaving to Grand Prairie soon, and Cassy on vacation, we shall see if I stop being invisible for awhile. My estimation is that chances of that are still slim to none. I can’t wait to be in a job that matters.
It has been incredibly hot here. The bathtub weekend seemed to bring in a heatwave that is simply relentless. The fireworks were outshone quite dramatically by a thunder and lightning storm that lasted for hours, forging on into the wee hours of the A.M. It was amazing. I heard someone out at Englishman’s was struck my lightning that night. It was a well-deserved break from the heat, though the next day, it was even worse. It has been so hot that I’ve been waking up nauseous, having to run to the nearest bathroom to vomit uncontrollably for a few minutes. I’m tired of waking up every morning with the urge to barf. I hate throwing up more than I can possibly explain. To do my best to counteract the heat problem, I’ve been drinking crazy-lots of water, and sugarfree powerade (electrolites!), but nothing seems to help. I spray myself down with water and keep my hair wet, but nothing. The people in my house have been walking around in their underwear, wearing wet towels and kicking back on the front porch. While the house was empty today, admittedly I spent the entire morning au naturel. It was a first, actually wanting to be at work, as they have killer AC.
We celebrated our first year in the house last weekend. Our first year of mortgage payments has gone without a hitch. Hopefully the next four will be as successful. We celebrated with a potluck, BYOB barbecue in our backyard. Jeanelle, Ian, Chris, John, Mom, Little Ian and Tori joined us. It was one barbeque where we did not play bocce for a change (too hot). But we all got pretty soused and ended the evening with a glass of Champagne. It was pretty nice (though I worked very early that morning and spent an hour sleeping).
I am officially counting myself out of the court case. I’ve become far too frustrated to involve myself in it, as nobody seems to listen to me. Just like everybody the fuck else doesn’t. So come what may, I have nothing to do with it. Nobody ever supports ME, so I plan to be equally daft and self-aimed. Sometimes one must take the low road.
Nothing much else is going on. Keep you all posted. In the meantime, happy fucking heatwave. MWA!