Is All I See Or Seem But A Dream Within A Dream?
Monday: ‘The Mona Lisa? What kind of picture is that? The subject looks like she wishes she had never agreed to sit for the painter. She clearly can’t wait to get home.’ That’s a bit of a minority opinion, but someone somewhere surely holds it. With this in mind, perhaps we should reconsider some of the negative statements that could be made about a project you are currently engaged in. Don’t be so sure that you’re not creating a masterwork, just because it’s possible to find fault with some aspect of your activity. The Solstice this year is due to have extra special potency. Be ready for several months of amazing opportunity.
Today: "Where were you before you got interrupted? How far down the road had you got before you realised you had to go down another road in a different direction? As your diversion now reaches the main highway and your distraction now no longer demands so much time from you, you can put your energy back into a plan or project that once mattered a great deal. Is it too late? Does it still matter anymore? That’s a ‘no’ followed by a ‘yes’. You are just in time to seize an opportunity that you thought had got away from you."
Things have quieted down. They’re getting better. I refused to do a lot of the starting over and simply getting over that was suggested to me. I just couldn’t. Sometimes you simply have to accept that the foundation is broken and needs to be fixed before you build a house on it. You don’t just build a new foundation on the old one (that doesn’t sound sturdy) or simply build the house on the broken one anyway. Acknowledgements needed to be made and work needed to be done. I think everyone involved has realized I can hurt, now. This is the reason I resent being seen as so strong. People forget that I have weaknesses, and a sensitive heart.
One thing that people should know: I despise lying. I hate doing it, I hate it when people do it to me. Forthrightness and honesty are things that are increasingly important to me as I get older.
John and I are much better. It is upsetting (immensely) that it took some infliction of deep hurt and a miscarriage to get us on the same page, but there you go. That said, he is being more cautious than ever. I’m kind-of glad, too. People get so used to my being resilient, and willing to bend and follow and obey, that they forget that I do so out of my own will. I do actually have a backbone, and when I approach things that I absolutely must have, I am a hard, cold bitch. I’ll do what it takes. Unfortunately, the ones I love are the ones who hurt me most.
On another subject, I’m finally loading things onto my DeviantArt gallery. You can visit it here. I am trying my best to add things daily. I have a lot of poetry on there. I also finally invested some money in some Yoga Pants. I was always too self-conscious to wear them, but now that I’m really getting fit, I feel great in them. I’d like to invest in really nice ones (Lululemon and TNA). I keep thinking about running again, but I think I need to work the muscles around my knees more before I try that again. I’ve been feeling really great lately. I can’t wait for more Urbex trips… and we’re also going camping and caving out at Horne Lake next weekend. It’ll be pretty great. I really need to remember to take more pictures when I’m out doing things- but I’m usually so busy enjoying myself that I forget to document them.
And two years have passed, and I still have not killed the desire to go ice skating. I’m not even sure you can this time of year. It must be found out… I am awesome on the ice.