A Letter To My [Future] Husband

"Are you in a hurry? Why? What’s the rush? You and I are both members of the human race. Arguably, though, that phrase is a bit of an oxymoron. Whenever humans really start to race, they stop being human! It’s fine to be motivated. It’s fine to be determined, too. It’s wise to be aware of the passage of time and to seize opportunity when it arises. Still, though, you don’t want to be so caught up in a schedule or a timetable that you lose the joy of life and fail to recognise the magic of the moment. That matters more."
The Scientist
A Rush Of Blood To The Head
Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry // You don’t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, Tell you I need you // Tell you I’ve set you apart
Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions // Oh, let’s go back to the start
Running in circles, Coming up tails // Heads on the science apart
Nobody said it was easy // It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy // No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures // Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, Science and progress // Do not speak as loud as my heart
Oh tell me you love me, Come back and haunt me // Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, Chasing our tails // Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy // Oh, it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy // No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start

There is always an adjustment period. In that period, we learn about one another. Sometimes, the things we learn are difficult, or simply not what we are accustomed to. That isn’t to say that this knowledge breeds fear, contempt, or distrust. Sometimes, it is simply that we must accept, and start anew. I love you. I accept you as you are, including the mistakes you have made and what you have learned from them. I accept you, not despite your flaws, but with them. I accept that you are not your past, but your future. Given that, I know that I am not perfect, that you accept me in all the ways I have accepted you, and take your acceptance gratefully, and with grace and humility. I am deeply, entirely in love with you. I invest myself, my life, and my future to our union. I desire not to keep secrets from you, but indulge and delight in the truth. I promise you my loyalty, my fidelity, my honesty, my trust and confidence. When I look into your eyes, I feel a reflection of my love and dedication to you. I promise that I will be forgiving, and learn to become more forgiving. I promise not to manipulate you, use you, or force you to wear past mistakes.
I know I’ve been weird. There was so much I didn’t know. It can be hard for me to be accepting of myself in someone else’s eyes, because I do compare myself– I can’t help but believe that you do the same. I measure myself constantly against what you find truly attractive. I can’t help it. I’m trying to get to know you, to understand you, to support you. I am forthcoming about things with you that I may feel are irrelevant, and do so because either I know you’ll feel they are relevant, or because I don’t know for sure whether you will or not. I don’t want to have held anything back from you, knowing that you may discover it without my admission, and discover that this knowledge does matter to you, and I withheld it from you.
For the last two months, I have experienced more than you can understand. I have been brokenhearted. I have hated myself. I have felt shame for my reflection. I have denied myself sleep, food, peace of mind. I have sacrificed my needs, silenced my screams, cried myself to sleep. I have scared myself beyond reasonable measure, sure I was losing you, and my mind, and I have done it all with this brilliant mask upon my face. I’m not sure how much of it was seen through the cracks in my facade. I have been lost in the woods, unable to find my way out, hopelessly calling your name, only to hear my echo. It left me empty. It left me cold. I have never feared loving someone as much as I have feared the awesome weight of my love for you. Without you, there would be a hole in the world. I have been weighed. I have been measured. And all I want in this world is you.
The weeks apart are unbearable, and they stretch on for what feels like forever. These are my challenges. I am so full of excitement, zeal, and passion, for the prospect of becoming your Wife. My heart is trying not to be impatient, because my mind knows better.I love you. No words will ever suffice to say what I feel. So, let’s go back to the start, from us, forward.


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 03/17/2009.

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