Don’t You Blink, I Might Disappear Like A Shooting Star
"Gemini: You are more distressed than usual over any dissonance in your environment or personal relationships, and you are inclined to avoid serious discussions or real disagreements with others. Also, challenging mental work and concentration is difficult for you now. In the week ahead, you may find that your job is to be a dependable, kind character who shares wisdom and insight at a time when many people are starting to go a little crazy. Your ability to rise above conflict and fear this week, though, will not be constant and infallible. You too, will feel tempted to succumb to anger, anxiety or resentment. Your strength will be tested, but you should find it easy to pass this test. Someone now sorely needs to set a standard of tolerance and forgiveness for the sake of a better future. The amazing Comet Lulin meets Saturn, this week, on the day Mercury meets Jupiter. That someone is you."
I pray, sometimes, that what I do is the right thing. It sometimes sounds petty, to do what I need to do in order to survive. But as I have told John so many times, if you cannot survive, and it kills you, you are no good to anyone for anything. You, will always be your own number one priority. And for the sake of whomsoever is your second priority, it should be that way. It took me a long time to get used to the idea that sacrificing what I am capable of without sacrificing myself completely, is the best I can and should do. I have given everything, and it cost me everything. I refuse to believe that the purpose of my life was simply to fulfill someone else’s through ending mine. Not when I can give some of myself, in measured doses, and help people to do for themselves as I do for myself, and ultimately help more people and still live. And this needs to be pointed out: in order to find self-confidence, I believe that one must possess a healthy, but small amount of narcissism. It is required of you to be able to stand in front of a mirror, and appreciate yourself. That way, you walk out into the world, confident, without constantly questioning whether or not you are beautiful, or what people are thinking. That grain of narcissism will tell you that what you think is ultimately all that matters. That grain, however, does not entitle you to look into every mirror, and swoon over your own countenance, or to compliment yourself to the point of telling others what they should think of you. Such a thing is egotism and vanity.
On an alternative note: marriage. I was given an ultimatum by someone I care for very much. It was requested of me to take a marriage training course. My significant other, much in the tradition of men in general, is not a very good communicator. He communicates what he feels is necessary or important, and conceals the rest. When I ask if he understands, I simply receive a "yes", but not his interpretation, so that I know he is right. Paraphrasing in order to make things clear may be necessary there. On the other hand, I’ve recognized (not that it was a huge surprise) that my "flinching" needs to be worked on. Someone else has told me that this lack of communication will eventually improve, with time. I know much about successful marriage, and know much about unsuccessful marriage. I will have to sacrifice, and be accepting of those sacrifices, without having to be asked to sacrifice more than is reasonable. I should defend my husband, support him, when it is a matter of importance, without fear of crossfire, as we are a unit, but be able to be honest, and tell him when he has been unreasonable. I will have to seek outside guidance, to expand my knowledge of how to conduct myself in new situations, if I feel limited by my own closed-minded opinions. I will have to be accepting, and also be able to tell my husband when things are unacceptable or inappropriate. And these things should go both ways.
The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams. -Elizabeth Gilbert
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. -Ralph Emerson
The friendship between a man and a woman which does not lead to marriage or desire for marriage may be a life long experience of the greatest value to themselves and to all their circle of acquaintance and of activity; but for this type of friendship both a rare man and a rare woman are needed. Perhaps it should be added that either the man or the woman thus deeply bound in lifelong friendship who seeks marriage must find a still rarer man or woman to wed, to make such a three cornered comradeship a permanent success. -Anna Garlin Spencer