Here By My Side You Are Destruction

I performed Weapon by the Matthew Good Band at Open Mic on Monday. I blew it away, of course.  However, it made me remember the time in my life when I first heard it, the things I was about to walk headfirst into. I was so unaware, then, of how relevant that song was to what was about to begin, for me.
I’ve developed a sudden passion for the Matthew Good Band, upon really listening to the lyrics, and doing research into that song, and in turn, exploring other songs.  Matthew Good is from Vancouver, and he is extremely expressive in his music. This is a quality you’ll find I quite admire: lyrics with depth. So many musicians rely on their marketability or on the background music to carry them when words and just the sound of their voice cannot. Matt has an awesome voice. But in 2006, after watching a movie with his Dad, he fell into a manic fit and downed 27 ativans. He woke up in the hospital, having been deemed a suicide risk. Shortly thereafter, he was diagnosed with Type 1 Bipolar Disorder.

The type 1 bipolar disorder is characterized based on the occurrence of at least one manic episode, with or without the occurrence of a major depressive episode. The mania in this diagnosis is full-blown. This abnormality would usually last for a week at the very least. But there are cases that the bipolar patient is required to be confined for more than a week if hospitalized. Symptoms of Type 1 Bipolar Disorder are: 1. High self-esteem, patients possess a great deal of confidence; 2. Ambitious attitude; 3. Sleeplessness; 4. Excessive talking; 5. High rate of thought. Patients with this type may experience full blown hallucinations that may cause them to lose their grasp of reality. In some cases, patients have been misdiagnosed as being psychotic. Type 1 is also known as the "raging" bipolar.

Matt Good was always known for his very outspoken opinion, which was often very strong, extremely pronounced, and usually delivered with a razor-sharp tongue and abrasive attitude. He was always very skinny, and many people who met him assumed that he was a drug addict. After his diagnosis and after 3 years of treatment, Matt Good’s personality has changed– he isn’t as much of an activist, and he has put on a great deal of weight. But I have such an intense respect for him as an artist, and I’m so glad that he’s found his voice and his health.


WEAPON has been dissected by many people, primarily as being a political statement. That theory has been bested by more emotional theories, that he is referring to the human condition, and it some ways, to love. When you are a person of importance to someone, suddenly you possess a weapon of mass distruction that you aren’t even fully aware of. You take your importance, your signifigance for granted. Beside this person, while you may be wonderful, you can also be a ticking timebomb. Here by my side, an angel. Here by my side, the devil. Repeated again in the sentiment of the next verse. Here by my side, you are destruction. Here by my side, a new color to paint the world. This person, to the singer of the song, is wonderful, and horrible in equal measure, for the same reason. The singer (Matt) begs you to understand your position, and how precarious it is, and how cautious you must be– that others around you are fragile. Never turn your back on me. Never turn your back on me again. And: Careful, be careful. This is where the world drops off. You breathe in and you breathe out. Ain’t it so weird how it makes you a weapon. And you give in and you give out. Ain’t it so weird how it makes you a weapon. So he says in these verses, that you must be fully aware of what you’re capable of, even if you never do it. Knowing you can is how you prevent it. Be careful, to someone else, what you may do next might be the drop off of their entire world. Just being alive, in this person’s life, makes you a weapon. Everything you take, and everything you give has weight– and it makes you a weapon.

Good news! We’re planning, as I’ve said. John contacted the City of Victoria, and discovered that renting an area of Beacon Hill Park will only cost $6/2 hours. If we decide to have the ceremony there, at most, we will pay $12 for the priveledge, plus seating. We’ve also found my wedding dress! Consequently, it’s the one in the last post, that I swore I’d never get to have, at least not exactly as it is. The Cymbeline Anne Dress was available on a European website I found (that has to be verified as being legitimate first) for about $175CDN. We haven’t purchased it yet, but I believe that we plan to. (If I have that wrong, sorry!)



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 01/23/2009.

One Response to “Here By My Side You Are Destruction”

  1. Yeah, I like that dress. A lot. The insurance for the group of 70 ish people is $25, on top of the $12/4 hours. Unless we can find about 70 chairs that don’t have straight legs, we’ll have to rent them. It may be a $150 deposit, but the actually rental would be $45.50. And Butchart wanted to charge $800 for 20 people… Beacon hill is a nice place, and I’m definitely leaning that way at the moment. So, for the ceremony itself, looks like it could be less than $1000.

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