Can’t Believe All The Lies That You Told Just To Ease Your Own Soul

I honestly can’t believe some people, and I’m not really sure sometimes what goes through their heads when they decide that their questionable actions are justified. I’m trying to understand, and be understanding, because I’ve lashed out in a moment of emotion and anger, but at the same time, my blame is usually quite appropriately placed.
The big news, first of all, because otherwise, you won’t understand. John and I are engaged. We’re both excited, and very happy. We’re planning the wedding for next summer, but we’re aware at this juncture that finances may force us to delay it for a few months.  I expected an adjustment period. I definitely anticipated that. What I didn’t anticipate was a bunch of people coming out of the woodwork screaming loud protest over it. John has a daughter, Gillian, who is four. She is a beautiful, bright, enthusiastic little girl, of whom I am quite fond. I am completely aware that there is a fragile dynamic involved in marrying someone who has a child with another woman. It was something I had to adjust to, just in terms of accepting it, and in terms of understanding how it was going to work if I was going to be a part of her life.
I want to have a child of my own. I am sympathetic to Gillie’s Mother, and the legitimate fears that she must have about John having a wife. I don’t expect Gillian to call me Mom, or to even refer to me as her Step-Mother. Gillian has a Mother already. I would be completely pleased with "My Dad’s Wife." or if she simply called me by name. I don’t expect to become an authoritative figure in her life, it is not up to me to make the rules and decide how she must be parented. It isn’t my place. At the same time, on the other hand, I do want her to remain as important to her Dad’s life as she is now. As a person who has had a childhood like mine, the idea of John neglecting his responsibilities to his daughter is completely unacceptable, and would be a deal-breaker. To me, she will always be the #1 figure in his life, and she should be. I’m new to this party, and I don’t want to disturb that for anything.
We have all been bracing for Deanne’s reaction. We weren’t really sure what to expect, especially myself, because I don’t know her at all. But I was forewarned that Deanne had a romantic thing for John, even though they were never romantically involved. They had one casual, intimate encounter once, as friends in need, and it resulted in Gillian. While I would never participate in a casual sex encounter, I’m aware that most people do. It was only once, and John never forgave himself– not really. He’s grown from it, and accepted the way things are. He has really stepped up to the plate as a parent. But apparently, Deanne felt that because of Gillian, she had a right to claim John as her own property, and hoped that they would eventually end up together. She has owned so much of John’s time and money (more than he is actually required to give) for so long, that the idea of losing any of it is more than she can stand. I appreciate her feelings, but as someone who has never even been his girlfriend, she has no right.
She asked him if he felt "the need to explain himself", and referred to me as a "22 year old, mentally ill lesbian/bisexual." Very nice. A woman I don’t even know, who has had a child with someone she forced to cuckold someone else, is judging ME.
-I am 23 years old.
-I am immensely intelligent, I just happen to have an enthusiastic sense of humor, and a great deal of openmindedness.
-I am completely straight, I have only had two partners in my life, BOTH MEN, and I am 100% a monogamist.
-My Sister is bisexual, and has a husband and 3 children. They have a good marriage and a happy life. Who are you to pass judgements on others?
I have barely spoken two full sentances to this woman.  I am aware that my relationship with John has caused me to do some mental growth. I’ve had to accept that he has cheated in the past, which is a huge issue for me. I’ve also had to forgive him, and trust him to have grown from it also. I’ve had to accept his age, which in the grand scheme of things is minor, but once would have made me feel really uncomfortable. I’ve had to accept his daughter, which is a huge responsibility, and something I would have been too afraid to get involved in. These are all things I never thought that I would get past as a woman my age with my level of experience. But I’ve grown.
I am just blown away that someone I don’t know could aim such venemous, hurtful things in my direction for something that isn’t my fault. She and John were never going to end up together. He had no romantic feelings for her– EVER. Until I receive an apology, I don’t want to see the woman except to pick up Gillian and bring her home.

~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 12/08/2008.

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