Didn’t Anyone Tell You You’re Supposed To Break My Heart? I Expect You To, So Why Haven’t You?

I don’t know why I haven’t blogged in awhile. I suppose that life has mostly been going on, and I haven’t had much time to sit and stop to reflect on it all. Things should make themselves very clear in the next few weeks, to my knowledge, a lot that I’m sitting on in terms of decisions to be made, will be resolved by the first week of December. I have my fingers crossed, because I have a lot to get off my chest, but it’s an outing of all outings, of sorts. In the meantime, we shall just say that my life has taken an extremely unexpected turn (a lurch, I would hazard to say), and there are a lot of things that will come of this turn of events that have major lifetime repercussions. I definitely didn’t see my life this way a year ago. Fret not, these are good things… at least I think so.
 
Last week, I spent Rememberance Day and the day after in Victoria with John. It was really great– I had never been there before, or to any of the towns along the stretch of road that separates Victoria from Nanaimo. We didn’t do a whole lot. We mostly stuck to the downtown area and harbour, as John is working for the Attorney General’s office on Government. We walked past the parliament buildings and through the garden at the Empress, and saw the Undersea Gardens (which were cool for what they were, but nothing terribly impressive if you’ve ever been to an aquarium). I had a totally fabulous time. We stayed at his friends, Todd & Brandi’s house in Langford. They’re good people. Absurd as it sounds, I never watched Dr. Horribles Sing-Along Blog (I know! I know!) until then, and now I’m totally hooked. I feel like such a bad Joss Whedon fan.
 
A year ago, and for many months after, people told me that the heartbreak I was going through wouldn’t be permanent. I was so emotionally destitute, I couldn’t imagine a way out of my pit of dispair. But when I felt people were tossing fresh Earth down on me in my hole in the world, they were actually building up the ground beneath me. Little by little, I remembered all the reasons to smile. I had stopped feeling trapped and discouraged and underappreciated. I stopped crying. I stopped wishing for that life back. And now… now I feel like that shit I went through actually saved my life. I wake up now, with a smile on my face, because I don’t care what happens, as long as I know who I get to see at the end of the day. I don’t doubt, or second guess. I don’t feel like I have someone to live up to, or correct myself for. I feel like I’ve found my equal, and someone who feels the same way about me. There is no getting better than that. I have someone now that I have absolutely insatiable passion for. I really am incorrigible, because that passion has gotten me into some procarious situations already.  Not to mention the handful of post-wardrobe malfunction awkwardnesses with certain roommates. Hehe.
 
Today marks the one-year anniversary of my release from Lions Gate Hospital. That was a miracle in and of itself. Then, I was at home (my soon-to-be ex-home) eating hard boiled eggs and drinking coffee by the pot, while watching Corner Gas and packing my life into boxes. It’s overwhelming to remember that much pain, and hopelessness, and realize how far I’ve come. I was sure that today was going to be full of tears, and hard reminders. I was sure that I was going to falter a little, and you know what? I didn’t. I had a great morning with the man I love, I did a friend a favor, I spent the evening with my Mother and my Sister, and then I went to The Vault and performed a live set in front of a packed house, and got standing applause for it. And even though I will still be rushing out to buy it on its release date, the new Britney album, Circus, leaked today, and I’ve been listening to it ever since.
 
A year ago, I thought my life was over. What I didn’t know then, was that it was only just beginning.
 
Unusual You
Britney Spears
Circus
[Jive/Zomba]
 
Nothing about you is typical // Nothing about you is predictable
You’ve got me all twisted and confused (It’s all new)
Up ’til now, I thought I knew love // Nothing to lose and its damaged cause
Patterns will fall as quick as I do, but now
Bridges are burning  // Baby I’m learning, a new way of thinking, now
Love I can see nothing will be just like it was // Is that because?

Baby you’re so unusual // Didn’t anyone tell you you’re supposed to

Break my heart? I expect you to // So why haven’t you?
Maybe you’re not even human ’cause // Only an angel could be so unusual
Sweet surprise, I could get used to // Unusual You

Been so many things when I was someone else // Boxer in the ring trying to defend myself
In the private eye to see what’s going on (That’s long gone)
When I’m with you, I can just be myself // You’re always where you said you will be
Shocking cause I never knew love like this could exist
Tables are turning // My heart is soaring, You’ll never let me down
Answer my call, here after all // Never met anyone like you

 
Baby you’re so unusual // Didn’t anyone tell you, you’re supposed to
Break my heart? I expect you to // So why haven’t you?
Maybe you’re not even human ’cause // Only an angel could be so unusual
Sweet surprise, I could get used to // Unusual You

Can’t believe that I almost didn’t try // When you called my name
Now everything has changed

Baby you’re so unusual // Didn’t anyone tell you, you’re supposed to
Break my heart? I expect you to // So why haven’t you?
Maybe you’re not even human ’cause // Only an angel could be so unusual
Sweet surprise, I could get used to // Unusual You
**
 
♥Kдssi

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 11/17/2008.

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