No Words, No Talk, We’ll Go Dreaming

So something of personal importance has happened in my life. Of course, this is mostly happening in enthused but passive conversation. However, it’s still happening. It was something I warned a certain former spouse about during our infamous split. For some reason I feel compelled to tell him about all this, just to see if the knife is still where I left it, but somehow I know that stems solely from the part of me that I’m sure will always be veangeful. I am an incredibly lucky woman. I’ve stepped past this horrible year in which I’ve basically had to relearn how to live. Then, when I’ve decided to try again with someone and taken a calculated risk with my heart and my self-esteem and gotten smushed by their agenda (and in fairness, they are entitled to it– I understand), I end up falling hard for a smart, sexy, exciting man who is both mad about me and interested in the same life I am.

I’ve never been with someone I want around all the time. I always needed personal space and time alone or simply time apart. I’ve never been so entirely unthreatened by someone else’s constant presence in my entire life. I never tire of having him around, even if our activities are entirely separate. I want him all the time. It’s crazy, but I never knew that loving someone and being loved by someone could be like this. I was never exposed to it, it’s rare. I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen two people that were truly in love, mutually (with the exception of a few very close friends of mine). I’ve seen more one-sided love than I can stomach. I’ve seen more false love than I can stand. For the most part, I think I’ve ever only seen a great deal of like.

What I’m considering is one of my wildest dreams, and many people may disagree with me. I use my head too much and willingly rob myself of happiness through use of logic. Different is the unfamiliar path I’ve been taking in these last month, and it has done nothing but improve my life. I am so much more and capable of so much more and deserving of so much more than I have allowed myself in many years.

Thank God I am free of that life.


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 10/06/2008.

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