…You Haven’t Even Begun.
Uneasy feelings begin to surface today as you nostalgically yearn for the lighter times that appear to be slipping away. Don’t fret, for many facets of your life are in transition. Just because current situations may demand your intense concentration, don’t think that the good times are over. Stay present with your feelings, even if they are more serious now. The rewards will come soon enough.
All in all, I’d say I had a good day. I’m thankful for a work environment that is full of people whose company I usually quite enjoy. They’re people who I can talk about unimportant things with, that are simply surface only, and current events. It’s like bouncing a ball off the wall and hoping there will be someone to catch it. But at the same time, I can also suddenly delve into things more personal, and not worry that their opinions will change (although, I think Duane has a crush on me, and he’s short and old and it’s just weird– *sigh*). They don’t see my reasons for being trapped in an occasional mind-fog as excuses, and they give me allowances when I am simply lost for words, and living inwards. They even accept me when I seem wacky and unusual. Every second of my days are a search for a distraction. My mind is too focused. My thoughts are too succinct. I’m the kind of person who will do what is right, even when the cost feels too great– and I’m beginning to resent it. Strength is a curse.
Memories consume like opening the wound, I’m picking me apart again. You all assume I’m safe here in my room (unless I try to start again). I don’t want to be the one the battles always choose, ‘cause inside I realize that I’m the one confused. I don’t know what’s worth fighting for or why I have to scream, I don’t know why I instigate and say what I don’t mean. I don’t know how I got this way, I know it’s not alright. So I’m breaking the habit tonight.
When love cast me out, it was cruelty that took pity on me.
When I came home Mom had the mic and amp set up so I spent about 2 hours singing loudly (she set it up just for me, to cheer me up!). Bif Naked never fails to cheer me up. What a truly inspiratonal woman she is. Baby I’m sorry, I don’t mean to cry but I never needed you more then I need you tonight. Victoria then came home and almost immediately kicked me off the mic. I’m glad that we’ve managed to make her feel more confident about her voice. I don’t discourage her from loving what I love because I love it. Music is a thing to be immersed in and in love with, and submerged by. I want her to be absolutely enveloped in melodies. I can see the joy she finds in it. I’d be extremely happy to see her bloom in it, and find a sound that is unique. She has a terrific start, and I love, love, love her voice. Kyle and Ian ended up coming over, and the three of them are STILL singing on my amp. Only now they’re singing over songs on the stereo. lol. Amusing.
Melissa Etheridge – Angels May Fall
The rope that’s wrapped around me // Is cutting through my skin
And the doubts that have surrounded me // Are finding their way in
I keep it close to me // Like a holy man prays
In my desperate hour // It’s better that way
So I’ll come by and see you again // I’ll be such a very good friend
Have mercy on my soul // I will never let you know
Where my mind has been
Angels never came down // There’s no one here they
want to hang around // But if they knew
If they knew you at all // Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall
I’ve crept into your temple // I have slept upon your pew
I’ve dreamed of the divinity // Inside and out of you
I want it more than truth // I can taste it on my breath
I would give my life just // for a little death
So I’ll come by and see you again // I’ll be just a very good friend
I will not look upon your face // I will not touch upon your grace
Your ecclesiastic skin
I’ll come by and see you again // I’ll have to be a very good friend
If I whisper they will know // I’ll just turn around and go
You will never know my sin
"The Slayer does not walk in this world."
"I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I’m gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There’s trees in the desert since you moved out, and I don’t sleep on a bed of bones."