The Creator

I wonder what I’m supposed to learn from this. I wonder what it means. I remember rather vividly when I was in my emotional recovery that I was interested in someone who also seemed interested in me, and nothing came of it. I wonder if this is a trend that plans to continue. However, what I didn’t realize at the time is that nothing ever came of it because I wasn’t ready. That, and to be honest, I was aware at the time that we were very different from one another, and my identity crisis was bound to end eventually. I’m glad nothing came of it. I’ve had time to sit back, and really consider my headspace and where things sit with certain people and with myself.

I had another tarot reading today (a friend of mine does them) and my readings are usually mostly positive, and frighteningly accurate. Anyhow, I had a 7-card reading. Essentially my reading said that in the past, I experienced a deep sorrow that left me emotionally isolated, and cold, and that I am trying to maintain as much innocence in my heart as I can through a rebirth of sorts, but that I am approaching it with caution and awareness through what I’ve experienced. It said that my way of overcoming my fear of isolation is to create, and the creator cannot be improved upon as it is already the way it should be. Pretty much, it says that if I learn to accept myself, and recognize that I am already the perfect me, that I can do anything.

But it’s very accurate. If I didn’t have this experience of being completely torn apart by somebody, I think I would have allowed myself to dive into what I’m feeling without consideration of the long-term consequences. I was very naive. I can sit back and hope for the best, and imagine letting myself run into it, shamelessly, but this loss of innocence and gain of awareness has prevented me from making such a rash decision. The ball on this one is not in my court. All I know is, things will not be this way forever. There is a limit to the way this situation is. I don’t know what the limit is yet, but I know there is one. All things change, and it’s just a matter of time. I’m here. It isn’t up to me who changes it. That much, I do know.

Anyhow, Ben wants to do another reading based purely on my emotional self because he noticed my last two readings had no emotion cards in them. I do find that strange, as I’ve been referred to as “the heart” many times.

Light my soul on fire. I dare you.


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 05/13/2008.

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