The Next Step…

Right at this moment, I know absolutely that even aside from the rewards I reap from the decision I made to move here, I did the right thing leaving Vancouver. I know, absolutely, in this moment, that I am a good, moral person, who can be trusted to do the right thing, even if there are personal repercussions… even if it costs me, somehow.

Chris proposed to Keegan, as I knew he would. They met on POF. I knew. I knew absolutely, and it couldn’t make me happier than I am to know that he took that step. It makes me certain that leaving was the right thing for everyone, especially the right thing for me. I believe that the moment I decided to leave was when I started to really trust in myself again.

On an alternate note, I had my cards read today. The last time I had my cards read, it was outside The Old Spaghetti Factory in gastown, when the infamous ex and I were still “happy.” This was probably about a year and a half ago now. She came by our table while we were sipping our diet cokes and twirling pasta onto our forks, and insisted on reading for us. She told me then that I have the soul of a Mother– that ultimately it is the purpose of my spirit. She also said that I was perfectly matched and that if I wasn’t careful, I was going to end up a young mother. I don’t know how relevant any of that still is, considering everything, but one thing I do recall: how happy he looked when she told me that if I got pregnant, it would be with a little girl. He cried. Cried– with this huge grin on his face. I remember how happy that made me at the time. I feltI may finally have something out of our life that I was yearning for. This was the reaction of someone who decided he never wanted that life with me to begin with. (Go figure).

My card reading today was obvious, and very much what I’ve been feeling. She said that I’ve spent all my life building a wall around myself, one of paralyzing fear of never succeeding, and deciding that all of my options were dead. She told me that I was born with every skill I would require to do whatever it is in life I wanted to do, but that I was destined to do something I love, something I fill spare moments with whenever I can out of the love that I have for it. She also said that something has recently happened that has made me start over, and that it was necessary– something detrimental to my happiness once completely consumed my life. She said that there is a new presence in my life, a new person, someone who has also just started over, much like me, who will prove to be my equal, that we will enhance and nurture the best parts of one another, and that there is a present kinship there that will be lasting and beneficial to us both. She did conclude that my reading was very positive, and that if I continue down this path of being completely open, and opening myself completely to this new presence and letting them in, that I will find true happiness in my life, and achieve my greatest dreams. It was mentioned that I need to share myself more, that I have to be open and trusting enough to let people get close, and just be myself. My soul feels acknowledged right now. Life is just as it should be…

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 04/27/2008.

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