You Are The Light To My Soul
Good morning, world!
I am in such an awesome mood, nothing is going to knock me down. I found my sketchbook! I went through every box I had, and found some cool things I forgot about, but then I found my sketchbook in a really easy to get to place. I was kicking myself a little. But I have it!! That’s all I can ask for. In the process of the search, I also found some of my poetry! Woohoo! So here are a few for you. Some are really old.
You And Me
An arrow from cupid’s quiver
has struck my heart.
Everything is mortal
except for us.
Kassondra Staschuk © 1999
This Is How Much
The other night you asked me
exactly how much I love you
But in that moment I couldn’t find the words.
If the world can spin continuously
and the tides obey the moon,
and alike to the sun, the stars share the same fire
and the sky and sea share the same colour,
This is the love I have for you.
My love is one no universe can embrace,
only 100 universes can obsorb it,
No universe could fill it,
No ocean could hold it,
No sky could reach it,
No One can contain it,
This is the measure
I love you with all possibility.
Kassondra Staschuk © 2000
Here in the darkness
face hidden in a veil of twilight
I stand outside alone
waiting and watching
The rain pours down
I’m immersed in this admiration- submerged
Fingertips grazing panes of glass
my plight unnoticed–unseen
I wish you could see me seeing you
and love me then, loving you
Overcome in this rainstorm
but I alone am left in its wake
aching for a moment of solace, embraced.
Kassondra Staschuk © 2007
Sometimes in life, clarity is a hard thing to find. Maybe it’s just a product of the life that I’ve had, but clarity has pretty much been a non-issue. When I don’t have a clear sense of how I feel, or what is going on in my life, I can’t handle it for too long. How to conduct myself? What is an appropriate decision to make? How do I do this properly and diplomatically? Often times I am the person who switches into survival mode and just does what it takes to get things done. I’ve had a lifetime of training to find a way to get by, because so often I’ve done so by the skin of my teeth. But when I’m torn… when I don’t know what the answer is, I ask for advice. I get a bunch of advice from many, many people, and then weigh it against what I’m feeling. I usually follow the general consensus though, because I’m surrounded by intelligent people who are much from the same tree limb as I am. I don’t stay indecisive for long, because I know I’m prone to it. But I tend to fixate on it, trying to make a decision. I’ve been told this is a good trait… I don’t know. Sometimes it can be a burden. Some decisions have eaten away at me quite terribly. But then there’s that cliff factor, and whether or not to take that necessary leap for the right thing waiting at the bottom. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and gun it.
Regardless, to those who’ve had to use it, I appreciate the 2×4 ‘hint’ to the cranium. Sometimes it’s just necessary. I’ve been in some situations where it seemed to me that things were obvious and they completely were not. For safety’s sake, I’ve taken a more male standpoint on those situations, so my being forthright about things came with the experience of misunderstandings and embarrassment.
Yesterday was awesome. I choked out on one song… I was too nervous and didn’t know it well enough. It’s okay, everyone was pretty supportive. I think I would have been okay if it wasn’t for the fact that one of the performers brought an obnoxious 20 person entourage who wouldn’t shut up when the other performers were up (and sitting right in front of the stage– all talking rather loudly and being completely rude and ignorant) and then completely shut up to propagandize their friend. It was sad, because she actually was very good, and didn’t need to drag a fanbase in to make herself look more popular. She was very good.Francoise and Maggie were there, and they both paid me some gracious compliments. I don’t know if I have a voice for open mic, because I sing very loudly, and without an instrument. I have a different voice, and it tends to make me feel a little insecure sometimes. I almost can’t use the mic for fear of blowing the speakers (which I’ve done before– in highschool– don’t ask). Either way, this particular crowd was so loud that you could barely hear yourself think to find the appropriate starting note. I bring people when I go, but they’re very polite, and very much interested in what the other performers have to bring to the event. We were late this week, but we stayed until the place was almost entirely empty. This one guy went up (he does every week) to sing, and the place literally cleared out while he was mid-song. That would really upset me. I gave him a high five, even if just for the guts it took to go up there.
Back to work today…
So apparently I’m known now. I went to the acoustic jam down at the Blues Club this evening and a bunch of the guys there had been to open mic. My Mom mentioned that she gets asked about me a lot now. This concept is just too strange. Then on the way home I explained to her how sometimes I feel self-conscious because I don’t have one of those dainty, pretty singing voices… and then she compared me to Etta James and Ella Fitzgerald. ((These shoes are too big for me to fill)).
Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.