Sick Of Circling The Same Road

Wow. How to even begin is a challenge. Here I am, living again and someone has to try and horn in and terrorize it. I’m trying to be understanding, not that she deserves it. My ex’s girlfriend (that’s right– the homewrecking teenaged one) started sending me MSN texts today. A few, apologizing for the pain that she caused me, telling me what a good person she thinks I am. At first they really upset me. But after a little while, I wanted to be grateful. I wanted to be forgiving. I wanted to tell her that I’m happy now. I wanted to wish good things for her. That’s a huge acknowledgement for me to be able to make. At first I tried to write her a letter explaining the things I experienced that she was ignorant of– but then it was brought to my attention that it isn’t necessary. I’m not the person she hurt. That isn’t my life anymore. So I’ve chosen to leave it behind. I just respectfully sent her a letter and insisted that I had no desire to be contacted unless it was absolutely necessary (like for mail or messages) and that it was best for us all to move on and leave one another alone. I told her I wish no ill will towards her, and that I just want to be left alone so we can all move on. I have. It isn’t my responsibility to relieve her of her guilt. She created the guilt she has, and she is deserving of it. I am not going to validate her. I’m staying with my resolve that the whole situation is in the past, and I intend to leave it there. Just let it go. I’m proud of the personal growth I’ve experienced today.

I’m looking ahead, everyone. Some of you doubt me, some of you wonder if I’m still hurting and hanging on. I’m not. There is nothing to hang onto. I am free of that life. I am not that person. This is my life: one where I get up and I feel great about my world and myself and the people in it; A life where today is going to be good, no matter what, because I’ll deal with its battles as they come and overcome them. They’re reasonably futile. They aren’t all-consuming. In the grand scheme of things, my problems are miniscule and will look inconsequential later in life. Why let them conquer me?

As I have been saying: good things are coming for me. Tomorrow will always hold wonderful things for me– and I look forward to them with delight and anticipation. So rest easy, you worrywarts. I’m happy. I’m very, very happy.

Bonnie Raitt – I Can’t Make You Love Me
This World Fair – Don’t Make Me Wait
Megan McCauley – Die For You (Fantastic 4 Mix)
Bush – Out Of This World
The Verve Pipe – Colorful
Shawn Clement & Sean Murray (feat Cari Howe) – Anything
Nikka Costa – So Have I For You
Paul Van Dyk (feat Vega 4) – Time Of Our Lives
Kate Havnevik – A New Day
Missy Higgins – Where I Stood

We are servants of love; the devout are otherwise. We are poor ants, and Solomon is otherwise. Ask of us a visage wan with love, and tattered garments for the way of the world is otherwise.


Love is a friendship set to music.


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 04/19/2008.

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