Me vs. Primordial Misogyny
***PROCEED WITH CAUTION: IT’S 3AM*** THIS BLOG… SUCKS. IT IS A RANT, I AM HEAVILY IRRITATED, I SWEAR A LOT. I AM HEAVILY INFLUENCED IN IT BY THE GOINGS ON IN THE LOVE LIVES OF THE OTHER WOMEN I LIVE WITH. …AND IT IS MOST DEFINITELY POORLY WRITTEN. DON’T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY, IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. I NEED SLEEP. *HUGGLES***
Okay. So now it’s 9:56am, and I’ve slept. As I knew would occur, I’ve woken up completely happy– as usual– and completely un-irritated by the people I don’t even know. However, there was a certain fire to this rant. So I will leave it where it is. No more caffeine-deprived, sleepless blogging. It’s bad for my poor brain.
I updated my blog. I updated my previous entry. I officially have no life. Then I got to reading a bunch of interesting rants on Craigslist. It’s stupid, but so true. I am frustrated. I’m considering removing myself from PlentyOfFish.com and becoming the non-religious equivalent to a nun. My inbox looks like a festering petri dish (the only email I have received on POF that I liked was from Conor. Thanks for that, by the way. Other men do give your gender a bad name. I can relate. Women suck bigtime.). I keep ignoring everyone (10 days of avid ignoring), but still they come, feigning fake sincerity… lots of pretty, pretty men (and dirty old ones with no shot in hell) who are as deep as a baking pan. Desire is an infectious disease. I think the world would almost benefit from being trained not to desire. Why is it that we all want what we don’t have? I don’t understand, because you know, for the most part, I am a person completely content with what I do have, when I’m in a relationship. If there happens to be something I have wanted, and I’ve attained it, I’m completely happy about it and not looking for better. I know that if I liked any of my potential suitors and tried to arrange a date, he would be pleased with me until the point at which I’ve been attained. Then, I would be boring, and cast aside for the next unattainable girl (who really is attainable– that’s why she’s on there, hello). Hello! Full package deal, here, Mr. What’s your excuse? You can’t attract women if you’re going to be an ass.
I think am going to turn out just like my Mother: surrounded by people telling me I’m amazing and inspiring, and unable to find someone willing to accept me, who is deserving of me, purely because I am so much like my Mom. My Mom has this problem where she’s too friendly. The guys I think she should date only want to be her friend, or she only wants to be friends with, and the ones that are dateable are jackasses. Either she’s not sexy enough, or she’s too sexy; She’s not social enough, or she’s too social; She’s not old enough, or she’s too old. And as I hear, “cute” for a woman is like being dipped in a caustic liquid and then swiftly lit on fire: deadly. Men: when we women call you cute, we do not mean “adorable like a fuzzy bunny.” but unfortunately, when you say it, usually that’s exactly what it means. I am sexy as hell, thank you (oh yeah, that’s why you emailed me to begin with)! Unfortunately, she and I are pretty much ambassadors for “cute.” What the fuck (yeah, I dropped the F-bomb! That just happened!) is that? I had to crumple some poor guy’s self esteem tonight, because he’s been very forward with me about wanting to meet me and have me over for a grope-fest. I told him I wasn’t interested (Why? Because all of my body parts are connected to my heart) and somehow I managed to break him down into a sputtering, tiny man (just by turning him down– I hate hurting other peoples’ feelings) who is trying to fill a gap in his soul because is ex-girlfriend cheated on him and then promptly died. To him, I said ‘Karma’ and assured him he’d find someone, if only he could just stop carting the baggage around, 2 years after the fact (I got over my ex in 5 months! What’s the deal?). Living up to your ex-girlfriend (who so obviously didn’t know what she had, and completely didn’t deserve you) is too much pressure for us girls. I expect that from nobody, and nobody should expect it from me. My ex is a rampant, incorrigible, misogynist pig who pretends to be sensitive and brooding before he rips your heart out. The person that I once loved in him does not exist. I am so over it. I even found things about his new girlfriend that I do like, even if she is an immature home-wrecker. Trust me… nobody has to worry about ‘living up to’ anyone.
It was like looking into a masculine mirror of myself from four months ago. I don’t need. I choose. I desire. I want. But I don’t need. I deserve a great man, thank you very much. Damn me, sometimes, and my desire for substance. If I had no conscience, and no feelings, I could be Pimp-master McSluttypants (gawk at me later for that one) and have anyone, because apparently, every guy on earth who is a scumbag wants me. Lesbianism sounds really appealing, right now.
I apologize. This particular IM conversation, coupled with my Mom’s multiple dumpings recently, and the rant-reading, really pressed a button. To all of the fine folks in the world as equally irritated and confused as I am… go get a stiff cup of coffee. It’s going to be your best friend. I’ll feel better later, once I’ve talked to my shining example of how all men should be.