Kassi: The Writer
I have to quit one of my jobs. This is the hard part of being desired, in an employment situation. I currently hold 3 part time jobs. Logically, the one I should quit is MGM, because they’re only giving me one night a week. But from a future standpoint, it could be providing me with the best experience I’m gaining from work at the moment. I think Co-Op is going to get the boot. A&W wants me to quit one of my other jobs, because ideally, they want me full time, and are offering me the most competitive wage between the three. With my medical bills, I can’t afford to turn down an offer like that. Full time, one location, regular days off. It’s ideal. I knew 3 jobs was not going to be a workable situation, long-term. But, you know, I like the feel at A&W, I remember it, it feels most solid of all three, and I absolutely refuse to give up MGM right now. Ultimately, while I’m waiting for Shaw to offer me a job, I’d like to get experience as a waitress, and take my Serving It Right so I can bartend.
I had a wicked day, though, all-in-all. I had a nice, long chat with Maggie this evening. She’s dealing with a real, practical crisis. Emotionally, and financially, she’s doing great… but she is an empathetic person, just like I am, and she’s feeling guilty because someone she knows is having a hard time. Oh, I do love her for it. We had a nice, long chat today. It made me feel great. I read her some of my blogs and poetry, and she took one look at me and said: “Your ex is a stupid moron. Any man who doesn’t want you must have lost his mind.” It made me feel really great. It’s not that I don’t ever think well of myself… I’m not self-effacing or self-depricating, except on occasion in jest. It’s moreso that I’m aroud myself all the time. The qualities that others favor in me are things I’m accustomed to. I’m around me all the time. They’re unextraordinary to me because I do them all the time. It’s normal for me. This is one of the reasons I miss talking to Paul. He’s extremely intelligent, and somehow always managed to make my day. I do still have that with other people, but you know. The atmosphere to every person is slightly different. Still, there are only two friends I have that are completely unique in their atmosphere of friendship to me: Conor and Lauren. Oh Laure… I miss you. I wish I could hug you and then we’d be silly and goofy and quote Invader Zim verbatim, and giggle together like we’re plotting, like masters of the universe. *Geeker Joy!!!*
Either way (excuse my tangent, there), Maggie thinks I should quit all my jobs and be a writer. She seems to think I could be paid very handsomely to do what I do here– to do exactly what I do here. She’s writing a book, and apparently, she plans to use one of my poems (split up) as chapter introductions. I was extremely flattered. For being only 22, having someone twice your age tell you you’re an amazing writer is a really great honor. I know I’m good at writing, but that’s an entirely different ballpark in terms of quality. I’ve only ever been published a few times, and that’s easy to do, expecially in small doses.
I get it. As usual, I want something I cannot have. I want something I cannot have. I want something I cannot have. Why are the things people tell me I deserve so seemingly out of my league?
I have chosen my song (or one of them) for open mic next week. I won’t tell you what it is, in case you’re going to be there. It’s going to rock. I may, however, sing “Porcelain Doll” again as well. I’ve also updated my Myspace…. although my background is still not working, because apparently, since I started using facebook, myspace went and got all lame. I need to start watching Buffy again. I like to every now and again, because somehow, with every new life experience, it changes meaning. I gain something new from it. Joss Whedon is an intellectual mastermind. It leaves me awestruck sometimes. But I will discuss that more later. For now… I bid you adieu. Goodnight.
P.S. Found on Craigslist: Thanks Lauren!!
Wow. That kinda scares me.