Almost Without Words

This is a rare experience: one in which I physically have to search for a way to express myself. Usually such things occur naturally, I just think or feel and therefore they are in written words, just like that– effortlessly. Today is not one of those days. Today is a day where I am carefully choosing my words, taking time, taking care and being wise. I’m almost more writing from my head, whereas I usually write from my heart. This tends to involve writing, then rewriting, then revising. There is a way to do this.

Be objective, Kassi. This day has been a lot of excitement for me. More than I’ve had in a long time. It’s strange, too, because nothing unexpected really happened to me, today. Other than being locked out of my house and stung by a wasp-like insect in the same 5 minutes… things were pretty much as I felt they would be (or at least hoped they would be). 6 months ago, if I had been stung and locked out of my house almost simultaneously, the world would have been the beign of my current existence. Today, I didn’t care. Shit happens. You pick up and move on. There’s more shit coming. You pick up and move on from that as well. Good things are coming to me.

I’m making a friend in someone I feel I connect with in a way that is completely unique, compared to all others. I feel I’m making a friend I appreciate, completely in his own way. I value that. I will likely never have another friend like that, where the entirety of my mind connects with his, instead of just pieces that are similar. I haven’t known him long, but his friendship (however new it is) means a great deal to me.

It’s still sort-of unreal that you were here. I worried so much for awhile that you weren’t really the man I thought I was getting to know. But you’re completely as I know you. That means the world to me, that you (as I know you) really exist. I thank you for that. When and if I get to visit you, Zim is coming with me.

I performed two songs this evening at The Vault at open mic night. I was surprisingly not nervous much. I was a little. It probably showed, but it didn’t effect me as much as it has in the past. I did “Porcelain Doll” by Megan McCauley and “Looking In” by Mariah Carey. I loved doing the first one, and I was very proud of myself. I think I murdered the second one.

Anyhow… that is all. ♥Kassi


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 04/14/2008.

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