Polysyllobic Ramblings Of Lunacy…

Okay… so my head feels like a pillowcase full of bricks. I just thought I’d share that all with you, seeing as I’m about as intelligent as a pillowcase full of bricks right now. Or maybe it’s a sac of bricks. I’ll let you know.

For the second time in three days, this morning I lost my keys. Steve found them this afternoon…. IN THE FRIDGE… BEHIND THE MILK. (WTF?! Seriously…)

I’ve finally cured my god awful, completely unbearable songwriters block. For a few minutes there I was feeling like a hack too dumb to write under a pseudonym to save myself the embarrassment of being known for a bunch of contrived bullshit. Anyway, 36 or 95 shitty and contrived paragraphs later, an actual song came out, closely followed by three more.

For the record: Bottlenecking sucks in any form.

If anyone is interested in hearing the first possibly-intelligent, moderately entertaining thing that came out post-sans-writing, go to my last post before this one and download the shitty demo from sendspace.

I wrote one about my sexual assault today. And I say that knowing that I’m not usually so open about such things, but that’s the nice contrast to the song. The one and only time I was ever able to write about it before now, it too was a song, told from my perspective to the interrogating officer who attended my case. Pretty much what it was about was me begging to forget what happened. Well, I was devastated when I “lost” the song I wrote because it was the first coherent explanation of my feelings on the whole thing that anyone could have understood

I’ve since lost my court case, and have had years to cope with the fact that this is something that will never be legally recognized, and that I have to live with the aftermath of that knowledge. Well, the song that came out of me today didn’t even come right out and address the subject matter. It was very strongly implied but never fully stated. It’s important for me to get things like this out when I can, so I’m leaving you with the tentative lyrics (they may get tweaked in production– yes I am producing it)…

IT
(k.staschuk)[CHUPACHICA ENTERTAINMENT]© 2007

Here I lay crumpled on the floor
No– don’t speak,
Cuz I don’t wanna feel it anymore
I won’t be okay so just stop encouraging me
Can’t you see what’s happening?
Doesn’t it make you ill?

It was just one night
Just one time
And since then nothing has been right
Inflicted pain
I relive the shame
I feel it’s taken over my life

If I thought I could block out the memories
You know I would
But I just can’t erase
Everything he stole from me
Changed my identity
Can’t you see it’s haunting me
Doesn’t it make you sick?

It was just one night
Just one time
And since then nothing has been right
Inflicted pain
I relive the shame
I feel it’s taken over my life

No one would believe me
Not by a man like he’d be
But now they know the truth
And there’s nothing they can do

It was just one night
Just one time
And since then nothing has been right
Inflicted pain
I relive the shame
I feel it’s taken over my life
It was just once
but that’s enough
There’s nowhere left that I can run
No place to hide
Just heal in time inside
I feel it’s taken over my life
It was just one night
Just one time
And since then nothing has been right
Inflicted pain
I relive the shame
I feel it has taken over my life
*

Anyway. I didn’t intend for the song to be about this, nor did it start out that way. I got the first two lines out when I realized what it was about. It kind of spilled out of me.

Anyway… I must address this whole issue with my head feeling like it’s made out of blocks of concrete in a sac so sleep will be required of me shortly.

Talk to you soon LJlians.
K

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 03/11/2007.

2 Responses to “Polysyllobic Ramblings Of Lunacy…”

  1. Gods forgive me, but I found the idea of “being intelligent as a pillowcase full of bricks” far more amusing than I should have… throw in the fact that the word “sac” is reserved entirely to describe bag-like structures in biology, and, well… O.o

    (ah, my comments suck)

    – Barry

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