Riding On Faith
So I’ve had an interesting few days. On Tuesday I had a class at CAP college, I sat in on a music history class (I went just to see if it was something I was interested in spending $6000 on, and as it turns out, it is…) and then Steve and I went to Gastown with my Grandmother and my Brother for dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory. I suddenly had this new respect for what my brother is doing. My Mom has this most efficient way of making things sound so much worse than they are when she doesn’t like what’s happening. Well too goddamned bad for her, huh? Anyway, my brother left Nanaimo just before summer to go work in Field for a few months with his Dad. My brother can’t live with my Mom’s chronic criticism, because nobody is ever enough. So he left. He figured it was better to leave and cause her more disappointment (not that he could have hoped to please her) and be happy than to stay and drown in her ridicule of him. He stayed longer than he planned to because he wasn’t ready to go home and consequently missed the whole back-to-school thing, so he decided to start home-schooling. He has every intention to graduate and to go to college even, but on his own terms. He has incredibly smart aspirations to become a music instructor (which, with time and practice I have every faith that he can do).
Anyhow, so we all got to catch up over dinner (I was the only one who didn’t eat pasta– I had hot wings, minestrone soup and a salad). During our conversation on the patio a tarot reader stopped by who had read Jordan’s cards while they had been waiting for us, so Barb offered to pay to have her read my cards. (I am more than happy to pay money for a service if someone needs food, no matter how cheesy the service is). She read my future. She said the first card represented my past, and that in my past, even my recent past, I have experienced a great deal of loss from abandonment, and that now is the time of change. Apparently I need to be extra careful, otherwise I may end up pregnant very soon (because I’m super-fertile). In this impending future, a male figurehead in my life who carries a great deal of hostility (someone I argue with a lot) will teach me something invaluable. He will lead me to the path I am meant to be on, and that I should allow myself to trust in him entirely. I’ve been stifling my voice, and not saying out loud the things that I need. I have been silencing my opinions, and I should stand up and fight for the things I want and believe in and force myself to finally be heard. My current battle is that I am in conflict with a female in my life, who holds for me great expectation, and may lead me to believe that I want things that are not right for me. The card reader said that I should follow my instincts and my heart, because where those things take me is where I truly belong. I am a source of great motherhood. She says in my future she sees marriage, happiness, financial prosperity and family, and that is where I belong. She then pulled a card to represent my soulmate, and she pulled The Father. She says that the father of my children is my soulmate. Lastly I asked her if my music career would ever take off, and if anything would come of it. I pulled a card (the 7 of cups) and she said that I most definitely would have a prosperous music career (I get what I want) but in order to achieve it, I have to love the music, and let go of all of the desire for commercial success that I have in order to succeed.
She did a quick 3 card read for Steve. In his past he has been faced with confusion about what he wants, and where he is going. She says that things will become increasingly clear. He will be successful, and happy, and become a father of a little girl. The card reader insists that we’re perfect for each-other. I need to believe in this, because it uplifts me. But even if it’s not true, It was so amazing to hear.
It was really funny because on our way home, Steve was noticed by some guy who saw his In Flames shirt and struck up a conversation. Okay, this guy is really pretentious, so we kind of are taking it with a grain of salt… The guy is a headhunter from Snoop Dogg’s representation agency. He works with a load of metal bands (Fear Factory, Metallica, The Tea Party, Jeff Martin, Alexisonfire, Sounds Of The Underground Tours, Slayer…) anyway, he asked if we do anything musically and I said I was recording some stuff, and he asked me to send it to him. His name is Terry Scott, and he gave me an open invitation to send him my music any time. Nothing may ever come of it, but then again, it might…