Self-Affirmation

It’s come to my attention recently that a few people find me mildly narcissistic.

nar-cis-sism [nahrsuh-siz-em]
-noun
1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
2. Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one’s own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
3.A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
4. The attribute of the human psyche charactized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.
5. A characteristic of those having an inflated idea of their own importance.

I will agree, to a point that at times I can be narcissistic, but in no way is it the first thing I tend to cater to. I do love myself. I think to love myself is healthy, considering that for the first 12 years of my life I spent hating and resenting myself. I lived in a giant world of self-deprication and shame, and I have allowed myself over the last 9 years to grow a healthy affection for who I am. I think everyone should be a smidge narcissistic. I love talking to people who don’t need others to lift them up all the time. Being someone’s leverage (egotistically and emotionally speaking), whether it be partially or solely, is a job of work, and a ton of pressure.

But I am vowing here before this mildly embarrassing admission grows into full blown self-centeredness (and it could, I am capable of such a thing) I have learned to make time for me, to allow room to grant myself the things that I need. You must understand that in my lifetime I have learned that the motto “Look after Number One” has held very true. In the end all you have is yourself, and if you can’t be enough to keep you going then nothing will.

I find things about myself to like. I have moments of vanity. I do find myelf admiring myself in the mirror now and then. But at the same time, I look around and see people that I personally think look better than me, and are more deserving than me. I feel unimpressive all the time, so I do treasure the moments when I can be me and feel like I look amazing and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks… because I generally DO care what other people think. A whole day can be wasted punishing myself because someone said something nasty about me and I heard it, or a whole day can be turned around to something great if I hear someone pay me a compliment. I have moments when I allow myself to walk around thinking “I fucking ROCK” because I need to. But I don’t find myself to be the most interesting or worthy person I know by any means. It doesn’t tittilate me sexually to look at myself, and I don’t think I’m the most important person in my world. I just act like it sometimes because it makes me feel good about myself when I need a pick-me-up, because lets face it, unhappy people just… they just suck the life out of everything they touch.

I think you’re all amazing and beautiful and impressive, and you should think so too. Narcissism is healthy in controlled doses. So come on, post something about how great you are, and how hot you are and how interesting you are, because you’re totally right.

K

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 10/12/2006.

7 Responses to “Self-Affirmation”

  1. *hedges* good idea…
    I *am* smart, and I don’t have to put it in the context of others. I got the only A on my assignment in my Sociology class because I deserved that A. I immediately took myself down a notch, saying, well, this isn’t a huge class, the other people in it struggle with writing, blah blah blah. But I don’t need to do that, I got the best mark because I’m smart. I use this rationale with my psych tests which I also keep getting the top mark in, but that’s cause I work my ass off for my future career and thus also deserve it…I should hope I’m getting those marks if that’s what I’m going for.

    • You’re totally deserving of that, too. I’m not in school, so a lot of the time when I talk to people my own age about what I’m doing with my life, I’m often met with smirks of superiority, and it can really give me a complex. I do want to go, I am motivated, I just don’t have any money.
      I’ve recently refused to allow this to be the thing that ruins my life. There are other possibilities. As I’m told, most trades don’t even require post secondary education, but they do require apprenticeships…

      K

      • You’ve got the right idea. I didn’t go to school for two years anyway and even though I’m there now I often feel so behind. Trades are hot stuff now and apprenticeships too, and it can often be smarter than getting thousands of dollars into debt…everyone has their own path, and we know how many will leave university with a bachelors of arts that they can’t even use…if I didn’t go into graduate school there’s barely anything I can do with a bachelor’s in psych/english…talent and drive still matters the most, and the way you live your life is life, it’s not to be judged by what we’re “supposed” to be doing cause that’s just crap.

      • I’m so glad you understand where I’m coming from.

  2. Ahmen Sister, It was like reading my thoughts.
    🙂

    My body, I love it to death death death, I love the shape, my curves, my height, my face. I show apperication for my body by trying to keep it healthy not because I want to change it. I’m incredible beautiful and so many times I’ve thought other people didn’t think so, thus I shouldn’t.
    what the fuck hey?

    you’re so smart! and beautiful Kassi!
    Seriously, everytime I read your posts I want to smack the people who tell you shit like that.
    They are probably just scared because you are so intuitive, you have a grasp on life that not a lot of people seem to get,
    but we do.
    and we understand
    🙂
    love ya!
    -Tyra

    • Ty, you are true hotness. You deserve to be fawned over. You’re totally gorgeous. Thank you for relating, and for the really nice words. *smooch* Loves you.

      K

  3. a random poster

    nice, in every aspect of a tag-and-pull topic.

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