It’s come to my attention recently that a few people find me mildly narcissistic.
1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
2. Psychoanalysis. erotic gratification derived from admiration of one’s own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.
3.A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
4. The attribute of the human psyche charactized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.
5. A characteristic of those having an inflated idea of their own importance.
I will agree, to a point that at times I can be narcissistic, but in no way is it the first thing I tend to cater to. I do love myself. I think to love myself is healthy, considering that for the first 12 years of my life I spent hating and resenting myself. I lived in a giant world of self-deprication and shame, and I have allowed myself over the last 9 years to grow a healthy affection for who I am. I think everyone should be a smidge narcissistic. I love talking to people who don’t need others to lift them up all the time. Being someone’s leverage (egotistically and emotionally speaking), whether it be partially or solely, is a job of work, and a ton of pressure.
But I am vowing here before this mildly embarrassing admission grows into full blown self-centeredness (and it could, I am capable of such a thing) I have learned to make time for me, to allow room to grant myself the things that I need. You must understand that in my lifetime I have learned that the motto “Look after Number One” has held very true. In the end all you have is yourself, and if you can’t be enough to keep you going then nothing will.
I find things about myself to like. I have moments of vanity. I do find myelf admiring myself in the mirror now and then. But at the same time, I look around and see people that I personally think look better than me, and are more deserving than me. I feel unimpressive all the time, so I do treasure the moments when I can be me and feel like I look amazing and not give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks… because I generally DO care what other people think. A whole day can be wasted punishing myself because someone said something nasty about me and I heard it, or a whole day can be turned around to something great if I hear someone pay me a compliment. I have moments when I allow myself to walk around thinking “I fucking ROCK” because I need to. But I don’t find myself to be the most interesting or worthy person I know by any means. It doesn’t tittilate me sexually to look at myself, and I don’t think I’m the most important person in my world. I just act like it sometimes because it makes me feel good about myself when I need a pick-me-up, because lets face it, unhappy people just… they just suck the life out of everything they touch.
I think you’re all amazing and beautiful and impressive, and you should think so too. Narcissism is healthy in controlled doses. So come on, post something about how great you are, and how hot you are and how interesting you are, because you’re totally right.