Reach me…

The more I experience the less I understand. Love, hate, desire. It’s all a mystery to me. And I have even been removed from my wonder. I have realized something lately. I don’t like how I feel. Daily I get up when my body doesn’t want to wake up, and I go to a job where people make me angry to be a person, to be like they are in any way. They’re all selfish and angry and hurtful and suddenly they look at me and I understand what it is to be the piece of paper I always took my anger out on. I’ve been whipped by words, and they can’t see that I am the warrior, that my fight has a cause that they cannot see.

I live in doubt, of myself, of others, of the universe. I never used to be bitter. I used to understand. I never used to be cynical of what the human capacity is, to do anything. And now, now I do not understand. Everything is a little blurry, everything is said out of context in riddles that no language could decipher. Suddenly people are complexly simple. They really have no reason for their stupidity, they just have it, and bear it, and flaunt it, instead of standing up against the prick that pissed them off and rising above, they dive into the same muck those assholes fed from and become the same thing.

I don’t understand my feelings. I don’t understand myself. I’m not even unhappy enough to declare that I may be depressed. I’m– lost.

K

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 07/30/2005.

3 Responses to “Reach me…”

  1. Being lost is so much more difficult than depression. There are no pills to cure being lost. *hugs* I hope things get better. Dealing with the public is never a particularly pleasent job…

  2. Maybe you should try anti depressants, it couldnt hurt. Phone you when I get a day off 🙂

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