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Hello. I noticed I haven’t updated in awhile and some stuff has happened (not sure if any of you give a crap but whatever…)

Steve was accepted into the film course he wanted to take, so we’re excited to hear from the college soon. We pushed back our move date a few weeks so we’ll be making a lot more money than we thought (even though it’s only two more weeks or so).
We’re moving on August 1st.

I’m moving out at the end of next week, so I should be all moved in at Jenny’s by the 20th at the absolute latest. My Dad is serving Lesley with legal separation papers on Wednesday, so I’m nervous about still being in the house for a week and a half after that.

Turns out my health is clear and the cramps I’m having are nothing (at least I hope so). My sister got me all freaked out talking about Ovarian Cysts (which she was prone to while on Depo-Provera because of the change in estrogen levels). They’re fatal by the way, if they burst, which is very likely.

Anyhow I’m having my party hopefully on the 16th, out at my Dad’s house. I’m not sure if it will be a camp-out thing (probably) but no movies this time. Music, yes. Movies, no. I’m moving all my expensive shit out of the house tomorrow.

My Mom is thinking about moving to Prince George now, to be closer to my Dad. No offense but after wishing I could be with them for four years, now that it’s happening they want to move away? And you wonder why I haven’t exhibited any pity or remorse at all in my decision making in the last two years.

I’m sad. I’m excited. I’m all colors of emotional and I just wish I understood it. Steve is confused about some of my feelings but it’s hard to explain.

When I was a kid my family got dragged into civil court every week. Katrina’s step-mom was constantly telling child services that we were abused and neglected and we had to sit in front of a committee of strangers every week and defend our twisted little parade. I was taken in and out of my house over and over againfor “my own safety” and moved around from house to house just so that Marie Staschuk would leave us the fuck alone. If you ever find this you stupid fucking bitch… you ruined my childhood and ripped apart my family. I hope you fucking rot in hell you stupid cunt.

Change is something that I have been taught through experience to dislike and fear. I can barely remember why so the feeling of being suddenly frozen in panic is confusing and difficult.

Anyway, I’m about to go run some errands before work. Talk to you all again soon!

Dear Goodbye
JC Chasez

Staring out, depressed about
What words I have to plead
So torn apart
Shattered by impressions of
Confessions in defeat
My broken heart

Crying, desperate, fighting
Questions scared to let go
We used to be so beautiful
But the days go by and
Things get better

I’m weary from the war
I’m losing half my soul
But the days go by and

Past the point of reasons
I just want you to believe
That it’s not your fault
Cry your eyes to sleep
It’s like a thousand rainy nights
Oh, drowning lows

Photographs, the close up, what we had
Come undone

Where did it all go wrong?
The days go by and
Things get better
You hardened like a stone
To face the world alone
But the days go by and
Things get better
Exhausted of apologies
In search of something comforting
But the days go by and
Things get better

Brought out the best and worst in me
You gave your all unselfishly
But the days go by and
Oh, I could never replace
All the tenderest moments
They will always live right here
Inside me

My love will forever hold a place
For you
That’s why I’m so confused, yeah

Girl, we used to be so beautiful
But the days go by and
Things get better
I’m losing half my soul
To face the world alone
But the days go by and
Things get better

We’re not the type to just give up
But I know that it’s what’s best for us
The days go by and
Things get better
We’ll pass some crossing roads
Surviving on our own
But the days go by and…

[fin]

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 06/07/2004.

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