A Changing Day

My life is getting better. I don’t know what to attribute it to. It may be the medication it may not. I believe that I alone in the end hold the power to taking control of my life and making it better.

Jenny moved again. I can’t really say why, only that there was no other way, and I plan to be a supportive shoulder for her. At this time I think she is one of my closest friends. You’d think that at my age, hanging out with a 16 year old girl would be pretty superficial. It’s quite the opposite. We talk about a lot of things I can’t talk to many people about. And I can talk to her Mom. As dysfunctional as Jenny would have me believe their lives are, they have a good relationship. They’re survivors. I admire that.

I’m sleeping a lot better. Perhaps a little too much but I’ve saved the energy to start working out more and improve my health. I’m working on improving my diet, demanding healthier food at home and utilizing a diet that works for me, and is still healthy.

My relationship at the moment has still been put on the backburner. Steve and I both have a lot to concentrate on, but I remind him often that we can’t build a foundation of a future beneath our relationship if it burns out before we get that far. We find the time (ANY TIME!) to see each other and remember what we’re working so hard for.

I had my muffler replaced. It cost me just under $200 but it wasn’t until after it was done that I realized what a worthwhile investment it was. Brenda is considering selling her car and buying mine. With the recent expense of repairing it (and I might touch up the paint for her) I asked for $2000.
Instead of feeling like I don’t belong here, I now feel like I am actually leaving something behind when I go. I have all these friends I never realized where RIGHT THERE! I’ve had all these experiences that I’ve taken for granted.

Felecia left at 5am this morning. I never got to say goodbye, but we exchanged addresses and I promised to keep in touch. I’m going to write a letter tonight and send it off before work tomorrow so she’ll get it sometime in the next week. I also applied for my BC medical over the phone this morning. Apparently I haven’t been covered under BC medical for the past 5 years (unbeknownced to me and my family).

I never went to Felecia’s party. Steve really didn’t want me to go, and I completely understand why. Her party was actually raided and broken up, so I am glad I considered what he said enough to change my mind. Nobody was arrested but there was a lot of underage drinking and pot being passed around. It’s just not my atmosphere and I can’t start my life out making mistakes.

I trained Kiran and Danielle for close last night, and noticed that they’re both equally concerned that they are being taught too fast. I agree. They haven’t had the chance to really get comfortable with what they’ve learned yet, and it’s a lot of pressure and it’s scary. I’ve suggested to Cristina that they both need more time to get used to and use what they’ve been taught on their own with someone around to help if they need it, JUST IN CASE they make some more mistakes. I’ve told them both that it’s okay if they don’t have it all down yet, they’ll have plenty of time to get used to it.

I was nervous that I would be a bad teacher but I’ve tried to make them feel comfortable with me socially and as an authority figure so that they don’t feel trapped at work, they can be casual and enjoy the training process.

Anyhow, I’m going to take a shower and go make my haircut appointment.

I’m a lot less worried and a lot more encouraged. I’m going to start packing soon, maybe in the beginning of the next month or so.

I found myself recently saying something to Steve that I so wish I’d had someone to tell me: You’re worrying about things you can’t even fix or address yet. Keep your mind on only what you can do right now, and manage your time in order to get those things done. You have a lot of time to do this, you’re not doing it all in one day. You’re worrying about things that don’t matter yet… you need to relax.”

=*K

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 04/27/2004.

7 Responses to “A Changing Day”

  1. MSP

    Me again – by the way – you should have been covered by medical – not until you are over 18 is it your responsibility. It is your parent’s responsibility – so unless they weren’t paying up or not putting you down for some strange reason, you should have been covered. Even if you were working. Actually, I think it is automatically done – otherwise 12, 13, 14 yearolds would have to be responsible and sign themselves up under medical – I don’t think our government is that cruel.

    Just thought I would let you know that.

  2. you live in BC? i didn’t know that… where abouts? I really hope you’re doing a lot better 🙂

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