The Reason

I wish you were with me. I wish that I could hold you and let myself go. I realize now that for the longest time I’ve been holding part of me back, and it hasn’t been fair. I’m afraid, I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m on fire, because of you.

Life has been so hard knowing that someone else is pulling the strings. I always had control over my life and now I don’t even know what it was I’d been controlling, let alone having any control at all. I’m sure you feel so very much the same, and I want to go through every moment with you.

I’m so afraid to lose you. I’m so afraid to have you. Life is scary, but not nearly as much as the thought of living it without you.I NEVER want to lose you. You deserve fairness, and patience, and support, and passionate hunger. You deserve loyalty, and respect, and honesty, and spontinaety. You deserve someone you can fall into emotionally and be at home in that space. I want to be that space.

Every moment I’m not with you I wish I was. Every moment you’re not with me, the world isn’t right to me. Every moment without you is worth penance to me. You are every moment. You are every reason.

I wish I was more for you. I wish you wanted less. I wish I could be strong, but can we be weak together? I hate that I don’t make sense, and I hate that sometimes we can’t just understand one another. I wish our minds were symbious. I’m made for you, and you for me. Let’s create the “us” instead of filling “me” with “you.” Let us be equal. Let you be more. Let you be right.

Let’s make this work. The world doesn’t make sense from a perspective we didn’t both see. The world doesn’t make sense from here, or from there. The world makes sense in both places at once but never in either one.

I’m nothing. You’re everything. I’m infinite, we’re eternal. You inspire me to the very foundations beneath me. There is a strength you give me that could defeat anything. I’m afraid, I’m scared, I’m on fire because of you.


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 02/01/2004.

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