In The Zone

Hey all,

I know I know. It seems like the more time goes by the less and less I’m on the net. Well, I just thought I’d drop a line. Things are complicated. I’m trying to stick to the basics, because it seems to me that whenever too much happens in my life the shit just hits the fan. I don’t like being that person.

My brother’s girlfriend is pregnant. Did I mention he’s only 14? I’m so angry at him I just can’t think straight sometimes. I warned him about sex, and he just didn’t listen to me. It’s not a game. Things can happen when you don’t think of it in a larger scope. It’s not just fun. I’m having the hardest time bringing myself to speak to him. I keep staring at the phone and then I just think that my life doesn’t need anymore complication. But then I think that all this really isn’t about me, and how scared he must be about what he’s done right now. Underneath it all I know he needs me. I’m trying to be brave enough not to throw his misfortunes back at him. I know it’s not fair.

Steve and I are good. I think we’ve plateaued. We used to have this crazy roller coaster relationship and now it’s like “when can I pencil you in?” It’s like wringing the last moisture out of an old rag. It doesn’t mean that I’m not passionate about us, or that he isn’t. I think it’s just hard for us to express that passion when our time is so invested everywhere else. Sometimes I wish we could just run away together. I’m so tired of his spot beside me being empty and cold all the time. It’s like I know he’s supposed to be there, and it feels right when he is. It’s also like… everything is wrong when he isn’t. I kind of hate it.

I had my second interview at WalMart. I’m still uneasy about all this. According to the math it’s only $1300 more a year. In a 12 month perspective that’s like… car insurance. But hey. Car insurance is a big deal, so I shouldn’t complain. I suppose it makes a difference. I don’t know if I got the job or not. They asked me questions and then told me how I had good answers. They made pretty big with the pot questions on their stupid little survey. They had trick questions and it was odd. They fucked up my appointment. They scheduled me a day earlier than they told me to be there and then asked me if I was sure it wasn’t my fault. I was just tired.

I hate driving in this weather.

The new Britney Spears CD comes out NEXT Wednesday. I already have it, but I’m still excited. I can’t wait to actually buy it. Mine is a bootleg. It’s just a temp. I love knowing the words before I should. I have four favorite songs. On my last entry I gave you the words to Everytime.

Here is another of my favorites, called Shadow

Britney Spears

In The Zone


Your body’s warm but you are not
You give a little not a lot
You coup your love until we kiss
You’re all I want but not like this

I’m watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It’s only your shadow
Never yourself
It’s only your shadow
Nobody else
It’s only your shadow
here in the room
Arriving too late
and leaving too soon

(And leaving too soon…)

Your body gives but holds back
The sun is bright, the sky is black
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn’t mine?
You left but it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone


How can I tell if you mean what you say?
You say it so loud but you sound far away
Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall?

(Chorus x2)

(no, no, no…)

The new album is pretty brilliant. It’s way different than her first three. She has a lot of RnB influences, very much bringing the hip-hop vibe to her album (with the help of the Ying Yang Twins) and way better sort of trancey music (thanks Moby). She’s reached a brand new level as an artist. She pulls it off very well and I think she’s coming into her own.

I’ve played it for some self-avowed Britney haters already and their colors have changed. Anyway, to work I go.


~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 11/12/2003.

2 Responses to “In The Zone”

  1. Umm… Yay, abstinence?

    If it’s going to be $1300 more for you, then that’s a help of a lot more for me 😛
    I just wonder how you got an erlier interview than I did, when I was in there sooner. *is a little perplexed*
    Oh, well…

    There has only been one thing that I didn’t like about Britney and her music, the fact that it’s played in way to many places… I sware, I must have heard “Hit me baby one more time” on the radio about 400 times 😛
    Britney and Madonna have always been good singers in my oppionion. I don’t care what other have to say about it. Avril’s not bad either, but too fake 😀

  2. good luck with your applying at wal-mart

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