Breathe On Me

So these days are harrowing. I feel greatly betrayed sometimes, that the security I felt so reassured was mine isn’t so present. But all is not lost. There is determination here, and drive, and absolution. I will not be underhanded because of some seniority issue. The snow falls and wheels still turn. All that is left is not just dust. This much I know.

I’ve recently been dealt a great deal. $200 for room and board per month. It is decidedly the cheapest route, and I see now that this was inevitable. I’m angry. I’m angry that every positive route I could have taken I either neglected or watched being boarded up. I feel like repenting and kicking down my borders sometimes. I feel like I’m watching the future just piss itself away. Like coins down a storm drain…

Sometimes I put on a really great song… like Cher’s “This Is A Song For The Lonely” (I may love the hard music but I am a great lover of Cher, via my Mom). I’m learning a lot of my origins, and my heritage. Who knows what I am? My last name isn’t really my last name. My family is a great disappointment to me. The only ones I feel any sort of true connection to I cannot be with. The rest are thieves and liars and insensitive pricks. I disown them. I banish them.

I want to be freed.

Full Of Grace
Sarah MacLachlan
(s. maclachlan)

Winter here is cold
and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
I haven’t seen the sun for weeks
Too long too far from home
Feel just like I’m sinking
and I claw for solid ground

(Bridge)
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
and oh, darkness I feel like letting go

(Chorus)
If all of the strength
and all of the courage
come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace, full of grace

My heart (No, no)
It’s better this way
I said “Haven’t seen this place before”
Well everything we say and do
hurts us all the more
It’s just that we stayed too long
in the same old sickly skin

(Bridge and Chorus)

I know I can love you much better than this
It’s better this way…

[fin]

=*K

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 11/04/2003.

2 Responses to “Breathe On Me”

  1. Humm… Yet another person joins the “What the hell did I do wrong?” group of people at A&W… Makes one wonder why one gets less hours, and never hears anyhting bad about the work done.
    *hugs*
    At least you have a place to stay that’s decently cheap…

    • Slow

      Apperently this isn’t unusual. Everyone’s hours (aside from Supervisors) have been cut. I was told work will pick up again in the next few weeks.
      =*K

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