I just had Steve over for the night. It was really good to just spend time together, where the whole point of it was to spend time together. We don’t get to do that very often. Life is always about going somewhere and doing something. But we weren’t going anywhere. He left about half an hour ago. I realized that I fall apart inside when things like that change.

When I was really little, and my brother and my sisters were all split apart, we would visit once in awhile. My sister would sleep over at my house and then when she was gone it would be like the world had come crashing down. Its like that all the time. I guess it could be the severe decline from that temporary high I get from other presences.

I miss people. I knew I would but its like you miss them all at once. Its that feeling like you’re the loneliest person in the world. I miss my Mom. I miss her smile and her hugs and her laugh. I miss my sisters and my brother. I miss that universe that they create around me. I miss Steve and he’s only been gone for 35 minutes. I think this feeling is like knowing what you are when everything has been stripped away, like the marrow of bone or the heart of a tree.

Things at home are just overwhelming. I hate walking on eggshells just so I can sleep at night. I feel like I’m standing on an active mine and I can’t move or I’ll die. I feel like I’m standing still and life is flowing around me like a river. Like nothing is real. Anyway… I have nothing left to say. I’ll let you know when new things develop, and trust me, they will, really quickly. Things are about to change.



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 07/17/2003.

One Response to “Displaced”

  1. You said that I can call you any time I need to, and the same applies to you. If you need, you know that you have a lot of friends that are willing to help you out in any way they can.

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