Split Chick

Hello all. Welcome me back to the LJ universe. I feel really pissed right now. Melissa finally acknowledged my absence from her life. She wrote me a note yesterday asking me why I had been avoiding her for the last few days. I haven’t spoken a word to her in nearly four months. If that isn’t indication enough I don’t know what is. She wants to be my friend on her terms. I can’t be in a relationship like that. It’s too hard trying to maintain my sanity in that kind of friendship. I have too many issues with her, and I don’t want to grow to resent her the way I know I will if we decide to be friends again. But the past is not the past. In a friendship it stays with you: all the unsolved disagreements, the blame that you’ve decided to ignore. Ignorance was our disease, and it devoured whatever friendship was left between us.

She showed up at my workplace yesterday and cornered me on the till, so I had to be nice. She does that thing where if you try to avoid a confrontation she makes it so there is no escape… no avoidance.

I didn’t even want to be there yesterday. I was volunteered to take over Lorna’s shift (without any agreement or willingness on my part). Dee didn’t prep ANYTHING for me, so I started late, prepping my shift before I could get started, so I had to prep the next shift as well and could not finish the work I was supposed to get done. That’s bullshit. But at least I got to drive home.

And *shock!* BIG NEWS! We are officially now locking our front doors. It took 9 years of blind luck to realize that insurance is void if you leave your house unlocked. I have my own key. 🙂

I’m just feeling like shit. No-one is listening to what I need. I need control of my own life… I need time and space. I need to relax, I need the respect and patience of others. I feel like shit because I wish I could be the support system for my sister that she deserves as she goes through this extremely hard time in her life. The only time I am ever happy anymore is when I’m with Steve or when people are just around me because they want to be around… no expectations or strings attached. Anyway, farewell.



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 04/10/2003.

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