Even the smallest of days harbor wonderful things…

I woke up this morning just sick. I didn’t want to wake up, I didn’t want to get up… I just wanted to lay there and be sick. Totally, utterly, sick. But I got up, faithfully, drank a pint of coffee, ate a muffin and got ready for school. I keep playing “I Died” and “Twitch” by Bif Naked over and over again. Go find the lyrics, I am too LAZY to type them out.

But anyway, I got to school and drew, drowned out the crazy voices in my head with some music (namely some really inspiringly bitchin guitar riffs) and gave Barry what remained of my coffee. It was good though. I think I am finally in the right frame of mind. I’m trying to be objective and just see that I have a job, I have an incredible boyfriend, who I someday intend to marry, and I am learning how to drive (and my Dad has graciously offered to buy my car as a grad present). I have a million things to dance for. Some days I can’t see them when I should.

I am too paranoid. I fear too much. It’s time I just let myself be free to be vulnerable. It’s easier said than done, although I am trying. I keep having these horrible ideas about Ally, probably just because she gets to see Steve waaaay more than I do (which is just a coincidence of occupation). But he’s mine. He loves me so much…. and I love him just as much if not more. He’s my everything.

In Math I thought I was going to just lose it, because Eden and I couldn’t stop laughing. I see now why she and Taj got along so well. I totally have my Taj moments when she’s around. In some ways it makes me miss him, because not only is he not here, but he isn’t that way anymore. He’s changed. He’s jockular. Anyhow, lunch was a bust but I let it slide. Steve obviously couldn’t make it. I hate that he’s so busy all the time. The boy needs to put his feet up and just do nothing (not that I think for a second he’d even know where to start). Put my feet up? What? Where? Do nothing? What’s nothing? Kidding.

Today did, however, cost me one thing: a driving experience. Turns out my Dad cancelled our road experience because I wasn’t prepared to pass up a date with Steve after a dry spell. But I think today will tide me over. Next week is the next opportunity I’ll have to drive, so I have to stop scheduling dates during driving appointments. *Frin*

Anyhow, I best be going. Not feeling so good. I have the most wicked stomach-ache.



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 02/10/2003.

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