Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

I miss him so much. It’s driving me totally crazy not seeing Steve. I haven’t really spent more than 6 hours with him in the last two weeks. I got laid off last week and I couldn’t even talk to him about it. I really hate being this burden. I don’t like having him feel like he should be obligated to be there for me when he shouldn’t have to be. I feel like a burden.

I know I am just paranoid and crazy. I know he’s busy and I know he has things he has to do, but its like… indescribable. Not in the good sense. When he’s not there its like I’m not even me anymore. I’m irrational and irritable and just nuts. I’ve been trying to concentrate on other things, like school… but I’ve been doing so well there that I haven’t really had to worry about it. Or think about it. I’ve been trying to draw but my concentration is just not there right now, and my songwriting has gone out to lunch. I have nothing to write about. I think its less that things are happening in my life and more like things aren’t.

I’ll be driving more now, with my Dad. He’s teaching me how to drive. Yesterday I drove home on the highway all by myself. It’s a half-hour drive. I did pretty good, except for almost running into a cement barricade on a turn. I tend to fight the wheel a lot when I drive. I concentrate too much on my steering and not enough on my speed. I drive way to slowly. 🙂 I was just nervous. It was busy on the road and it was a long drive for having only driven once, four months ago. I actually handled the airport hill very well, I didn’t need to brake so much and I steered it with masterful precision.

I was transferred to Copperside #1 in Thornhill. I’ll be working shorter shifts, so I won’t have to hear unrealistic criticisms from Theresa anymore. I start on Wednesday, so I hope that goes well. Anyhow, I am abusing my Internet privileges, so I’ll be going.

=*K

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~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 02/09/2003.

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