Go Bruce Springsteen Wannabe!

Hey all.

Life really is just this vast rollercoaster. I’m really being taken for a ride here. My Dad is officially the asshole that he always wanted me to think that he was. He said eventually I would hate him, but I don’t. I think he’s trying to make it that way, and I don’t understand why. My Mom gets stressed out and takes her anger out on the both of us, and that stresses him out, so he takes his stress out on me as well. I can just never figure out what he wants from me. If I do what he says it doesn’t seem to matter. He stuffs words in my mouth and assumes what my intentions are for everything. I can’t believe what a jerk he’s become. I can’t wait to get out of that house. Maybe then when they’re alone together with their misery and they have no outlet to vent it on, they will finally deal with their bullshit as it comes, like normal people do.

Steve is getting his wisdom teeth out today. I want to go with him. I don’t like the idea of him not feeling good and home alone… plus I want to spend time with him. Just the cuddling, talking kind of time… and I think he’ll need the comfort after going through the surgery. I love him. I don’t even think the word love dents the tip of the iceberg. I sometimes wish I had the words to say it just right… but if I did, I’d probably end up talking until the end of time and still never get it all out.

I have a hair appointment at 4pm. I don’t know why, though… since my Dad bought me $75 worth of hair products so I wouldn’t have to go to get my hair done… silly man. Oh well. I need a trim or a treatment anyway. I dunno, my Dad’s being an asshole varies. One minute he’s yelling at me for breathing his air supply or something like that… and the next he wants to be all peachy keen? I don’t think so! My Dad has this totally bipolar attitude towards me. Yesterday he called me a greedy bitch (and I don’t care about money or any of that shit and he KNOWS it) and then wanted to get all cheery. What the hell is that? Why do people do that shit? Its severely stupid. Do the words “fucking moron” register to people anymore?

I’m just trying to get through my life and get my act together without being made to feel like its something that isn’t to be appreciated. I am working so hard for him, to impress him and to make things right for myself, and my Dad doesn’t care.

His view on Steve is neutral. I think my Mom is the only one who
notices that he loves me. My Dad wants to be “impressed” by Steve… and I don’t understand how Steve is going to do that. Having something in common with each-other isn’t impressive. Now, if Steve punched my Dad, then my Dad would be impressed. Nobody has physically stood up to my Dad.

Anyway… I’m gonna go now. Not much else to say… not that it matters.



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 11/07/2002.

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