My Life Goes On

So its afterschool right? And I’m still here. I am STILL here. I should be at home reaping the benefits of owning a refrigerator (I am so hungry) and instead I am still here. Normally I would be home by now. I would have been home about… say… 18 minutes ago? UGH!!! I want to go home. MOM! HURRY UP!

Barry bought me a soda today at lunch. I do feel kind of bad about that… unfortunately theres a condition where because of that “thing” I was going on about, Barry does this whole obligated thing… when really he’s not. Then Steve asked for a bag of chips– and, well… Barry got a little “Silence of the Lambs.” Finally he caved… but still. There’s… there’s issue. I would have said something but that would have let onto Steve that “thing” I’m not allowed to tell him.

I’m surviving. When I told Steve what happened (if you don’t have the details, read my last entry) he was completely understanding. Its amazing. I was so scared that he would see me differently or shun me or see me as being damaged goods– perhaps I should try and remind myself when it becomes this important that I do love him, and I did choose him out of the literally hundreds to thousands of guys I’ve had the opportunity to date. Guys need to be really special for me to want to be with them, and to want to treat them the way I treat Steve. God do I ever spoil that guy… sheesh. But you know? When you look at the expression on his face when you do it, it’s all worth while.

I don’t know how I am going to get through this… its hard smiling and it hurts to cry… I can’t do either and I can’t stay neutral. I’m going to go crazy if I don’t do something. Some of the pressure is off now that I know Steve understands and still loves me. I don’t know what I am going to say to my sister when I talk to her or see her… its so hard to know that the one thing I was fatally scared of happening to her really happened. It crushes my heart every day. [Insert tear-jerking moment here].

Melissa’s dog died. Poor Phantom. I loved that dog. Everytime I went over to Lis’ house, the first one I would greet was Phantom. He was definitely one in a million, with his hyper disposition and his cute little waggly nubbin of a tail… that sexy tail. (Um… just to clarify things, I am not into animals, ok? The “sexy tail” comment is an ongoing joke I’ve had with Lis for years.) I’m going to miss you, phantom.
Phantom Therrien, June 10, 2002… R.I.P.



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 06/11/2002.

One Response to “My Life Goes On”

  1. What time zone are you in? I are in Pacific.

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