He Is My Means To An End

My heart has been terribly broken by a man who walked into my family and left us all crying in his wake. Most of my life so far was drastically altered because of what he did to me, and now he’s done it again to another member of our family… and my heart is so horribly broken. A man can lose his mind, but a man doesn’t lose something to make him do what he has done… strangely enough, the events that have unfolded have brought us together… bonded by a sick fate that nobody who is innocent deserves.

In other news we’re renovating our house– yay. Split my finger open on the tiles. My Mom is all “hey… whack at the floor with the hammer!” So I did, and of course, she left out the “watch out! They’re sharp!” part. I went to scoop up the pieces of tile on the floor and RIIIPPP! there goes Kassi’s hand. Now I have this grotesque frankenstein flap of skin dangling off my finger. Nastiness ensues.

Ugh. Man! It was so hot last night that I couldn’t sleep… I had to cover myself in hydrating lotion a few times… coldness and then really hot again… ugh. Its supposed to get up to 29 Degrees today. Thats pretty hot for here, where our winters are around minus 30. Cold. Warm. Fucking weather.

Wanted to see Steven all day. Maybe I am just a sap. Maybe. I just couldn’t wait to see him all weekend and it took all my will to not call him and cry about all the shit I’m being put through… but if I tell him… how will he look at me? I wonder if in sowing some seeds of truth I will only change perceptions of me? Will it be bad? Will it be good? Who knows. I just love him so much. Unfortunately, yes, I was disappointed when he couldn’t make dinner on Saturday. Then my brother had to call and tell me what he told me… crush my heart into a billion pieces. It was inevitable… history will always repeat itself… and in others if not only in you.

Anyway… I have to go and lament about the reasons why God may or may not have turned his back on me and forsaken me— who knows… maybe the pieces will fall together. All I know is that now my little sister and I are bonded closer by a fate nobody should have befall them. I wish you a good day… and I hope life deals you a good hand.



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 06/10/2002.

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