Teenybopper Trash

Hola! I am having such a stressful day. I think for the first time in weeks I woke up on time, and I was feeling awake, ready to face the tribulations of the day… naked but awake… did that last? Hardly. I got up, got something on, got a cup of coffee, and then realized that I was blind. I could not find my glasses anywhere. Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to try and find your glasses without your glasses? I swear I probably found them 20 times but I couldn’t see them. Pains in the asses. So finally at 25 after 8 I decided just to get ready and go to school blind as a bat– yet appherently, I’m still babely. Wow. A girl can still put on makeup and clothes with a loss of eyesight against her. Gee.

I watched Becoming last night on MuchMusic.It was Madonna this time. I loved it. The girl who became Madonna did such a great job of it too. I am so happy for her… the video was great, and she got all this cool stuff that Madonna just loves… wow it was excellent. Unfortunately, she said, “All girls look up to Madonna because she’s beautiful and confident, and she always gets what she wants.” Not all girls look up to Madonna. Melissa thinks Madonna is a cantankerous slut. I don’t though… although some of the things Madonna has done in her lifetime argue otherwise. On the set for the Material Girl video, Madonna screwed one of the dancers in the Rolls Royce… and before she got famous she was in a soft-porn video about a dominatrix. The Justify My Love video screams “porn”. I still don’t think that portraying a character is bad. She’s a performer… becoming someone who she’s not is something she does for a living… its what is expected of her. I, however, am the character I play onstage.

Chris is going to ask out Mandy. *sigh* I am so happy for you, Mandy and Chris. Eat me. I guess part of me was hoping he liked me and he would just say so… but I guess maybe he’s trying to move on. He knows I still like him… which is probably besides the point. I guess it just don’t matter… ya know?? Oh well. Whatever. Its history… I’ll still be alive tommorrow and the day after that.

I have to clean my room– desperately. Its like walking into Hiroshima after the atom bomb in there… damn. My Mom messed it up so bad trying to help me look for my glasses. Damn. Annoying. Annoying as fucking hell. She left the internet on all night downloading my video files. Its like… what the hell was the point of that? Now shes used up all my internet time and I didn’t even ask her to do that. At least she was downloading MY files. Shit– if it had been anything else I would have been pissed. I probably would have used my time to download those files anyway– so what difference does it make?? None. All of none.

I’m practicing today. Singing. I’m practicing my songs. I finally picked out the ones I am doing. I know I’ve said this a million times before… but they’re songs nobody has ever heard (trust me I know they haven’t) and I couldn’t find the blank tracks for any of the other songs… plus Steve influenced me with his whole Pop/Trance/Electronica speech.

FOR TYRATyra is going to make my jeans into a pretty jean skirt for me. THANK YOU! I just want to tell you what I want to have done to them:
I want them into a skirt, with a slit in the side by the leg that goes up to the knee… and in the back it ties together with a long strip of velcro that holds it on… so that I can rip it off between songs. I also want different colors of patches on it… I’ll do a drawing. Is that okay? THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH! You have no idea how much I appreciate it! *HUG*


Well… I’d better be going. I have art next (and I have to write a song to go along with my CD cover interpretation… Not fair. I am going to pity myself now because I have no life. Anyway… there is a song I want to leave you with. It perfectly describes how I feel in my heart every waking day.

Looking In
mariah carey

You look at me and see the girl
who lives inside the golden world
But don’t believe thats all there is to see
You’ll never know the real me

She smiles through a thousand tears
and harbors adolescent fears
She dreams of all that she can never be
She wades in insecurity
and hides herself inside of me

Don’t say she takes it all for granted
I’m well aware of all I have
Don’t think that I am disenchanted
please understand

It seems as though I’ve always been
somebody outside looking in
Well here I am for all of them to bleed
but they can’t take my heart from me
No they can’t bring me to my knees
They’ll never know the real me.



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 05/13/2002.

One Response to “Teenybopper Trash”

  1. Speak of the Savior…

    Where is it that you can get the lyric-less version of songs? More curiosity than anything, but it could be a useful tidbit of information…

    “Yup, all higher forms of life wiped out”
    “Nothing left but dust and fundamentalists…”
    -Crowley and Aziraphael on the Apocalypse; Good Omens

    King of the Slaves,

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