Invisible Girl

There’s a lot going on. More than I feel I would admit to myself in one year. I’m moving. I think this has finally begun to sunk in. Before it seemed like just a scenario… that I would think it and it wouldn’t be real. I’m beginning to see that even this life has an end. This place stops. It doesn’t go on and on forever like I used to think it did. We’re naive aren’t we?

I’ve also begun to see that we all have a defence mechanism built inside of us. We let go too soon. We move on too fast. People are already treating me like I’ve left… and others are treating me like I’ve just arrived. It kind-of scares me. These are the people who helped make me who I am. These are the people I’ve grown accustomed to. These are the people whose friendships I’ve accepted, and now even that doesn’t seem like enough to make me stay.

I know I’m going all Felicity Porter here, but hear me out (damn comma key.) Yesterday, I was so upset. I think maybe it was because I felt like a ghost in my own shoes. Chris is suddenly starting this whole C&K bonding time bullshit that he always polls when he feels an empty nest coming near, then he gets upset when I point out the times he treats me like I’m a bitch… and I know I’m not. Sometimes I can be, but I’m not. Steve knows how hard this is for me. I need to be strong for myself now. I can’t be a surrogate mother to all these people anymore. There’s just too much there to deal with.

Melissa is acting like I’m not going anywhere. Maybe thats for the best. She’s protecting herself. Maybe if I were in her shoes I’d do the same thing. I wouldn’t want my best friend to leave. Everyone else couldn’t really matter (besides my other closer friends, Cayley, Jess, Tyra, Eric…). Everyone else just goes on like its just another day. Another lovely day in hell.

Contrary to popular belief, not much sleeping is done in here. *wink*
If you were a room in a house, what room would you be?

0% – 10% (Britney)

Oh dear, oh dear.
Far from being a world destroying DeathKiddy, you appear to enjoy kittens, bunnies and boybands.
Not a cloud enters your sky and all is sweetness and light for you.

Take the DeathKiddy Test!

[Insert Time-Lapse Here] I just got out of art. Chris wrote another song. Something about death and nightmares. His music depresses me. Its synonymous with death and pain. It scares me. It’s bent. Chris has a life to envy. He has three brothers, all younger than him, he has a dream bachelor room, and a house to die for. His parents are anything but unwealthy and dysfunctional. He lives in a suburbanite brady bunch scenario… yet all he wants to do is be unhappy. He’s jealous of the shit I’ve gone through in my life. I know that. He gets mad at me when he knows he can’t touch the pain I’ve known in my world. I’ve been abandoned, nearly raped, rejected, beaten, abused and very nearly dead more than once in my life. I pity anyone who would want that for themselves. I really do. Its pathetic that Chris can’t even write a song that doesn’t have the word death in it. The closest thing he’s come to a non-death song is called “Turn me on Mr. Deadman”. Thats SAD!!

Chris has no sense of musical history either. He calls Slipknot an old band. Four albums is not old. SIX albums is not old (almost, but not quite.) Metallica is old. Judas Priest is old. Alice Cooper is old. Meatloaf, Michael Jackson, AC/DC… they’re old. Tool is not old. Orgy is not old. Disturbed is not old. Mudvayne is not old. He gets his influence from new mainstream music… that won’t impress anyone. He’s going to sound completely generic (boyband with a mohawk generic) if he doesn’t pick up something new. Seriously. Steve knows what I mean.

I’m taking erotic dance. Its a work-out regimen, but its the kind-of classes that Chippendales dancers take, and showgirls… etc. Theres no stripping or anything, but theres pole dancing and erotic movement. Its very cool. I saw something about it on Sex and the City. (Kim Catrall rocks! So does Sarah Jessica Parker!) Thats my guilty pleasure course… something I don’t need but I want to take it. I’m also taking hip-hop/moderne and jazz. I might take Rond De Jambe Attitude later.

I wrote a song. So far its the best one out of the 600+ I’ve written. It’s called “Invisible Girl.” It sounds like a Michelle Branch spin off with a Sarah MacLachlan twist in a very alternative way. If I wanted to, as a single effort I could do several versions of it. The lyrics are kind-of universal. I could do a Linkin Park-like version, a Eurythmics version, a Britney Spears version, an Alicia Keys version. Its a very very good song. I’d post it for you, but I don’t like people who plagiarize. (ALL MY SONGS ARE COPYRIGHTED!!)

I’d better go. I don’t want to piss off the masses with my adolescent musings. I mean- what the fuck do I know, right? I’m just your typical girl. (Yeah right! I’M NOT YOUR AVERAGE LADY! *thanks to wade!!*) I know my stuff. Don’t challenge me please. *wink*



~ by Kд§$ị (ИovΔ) on 04/30/2002.

One Response to “Invisible Girl”

  1. Nope

    Actually “Turn Me on Mr. Deadman” wasn’t even written by Chris! I think it’s “Union Underground” actually…

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